When telling the truth is a bad idea, lying is always an option.
As parents we have the habit of threatening children with any amount of punishment if they do something that, as parents, we would not approve. Physical retaliation, taking away the privileges of games, television, outings, threats about terrifying events such as that the old man with the sack is going to take them away and many other stories in order to frighten them and keep them under control.
The truth is that this type of attitude is quite normal, I myself have used some of them and I am sure that they are never done in bad faith. The problem is that we must be careful of our words because many times far from controlling situations, we end up losing their confidence.
readLiars are never happy and are left alone
What is wrong with being a little scared if that is how we achieve our goals? Apparently nothing, the problem is that the consequence is not just a scare, but then to evade us they begin to deny us things; some of them capable of endangering their own lives. Because when telling the truth is a bad idea, lying is always an option.
I have just learned the story of a boy who came close to dying because, for fear of his parents’ scolding, he hid that he had fallen off his bicycle and that he did not bring his safety equipment. When they checked him days later they discovered that he had a skull fracture and a brain hematoma, which would have been fatal had it not been for the quick and effective work of the doctors. He is just a sample of what we can do when we make our children fear us.
Recommended reading The example is the best teaching if you want your children not to lie
Fear makes us liars, here are 6 reasons why our children lie:
1. Fear of losing our trust
When they know that they have done something that they were not allowed to do, they prefer to keep quiet until it happens that we stop believing in them; So next time, modulate the level of your reprimands because more important than scolding them is maintaining a good relationship.
2. Fear of reprimands
Who likes to be scolded? Of course no one, and if we are the typical ones who make a storm in a glass of water, surely anything is better than telling us what happened.
3. They don’t want to lose profits
If the punishment exceeds whatever happened, there will certainly be no next time to tell you when they make a mistake, so teach justice by being proportionate with the consequences you apply.
readChildren with principles and values, safe children
4. Scared of being rejected
Sometimes in addition to all the things we say and do against our children when they misbehave, we also add ridicule or shame for their actions. If you are that type of parent, I bet he will hide things from you.
5. Bad communication
Not knowing what to expect. That the reactions are always negative and that they do not know how to approach are direct consequences of poor communication. If this is your case, surely a lot is happening under your noses right now that you will never know.
6. Little trust in us
Are you never on the side of your children, before every little mistake you end up turning against them? Congratulations, you have lost the confidence they should have in you, so surely your children could be the kid on the bike and you are not even counted.
I’m not saying that you pretend nothing happened, every action corresponds to a reaction, it is elemental physics and they should know it. But scaring them away certainly doesn’t help, and on the contrary, as I hope I’ve shown you, it can backfire in many ways. Before educating yourself, educate yourself so that your children do not fear you.
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