You may be wrong about what is bothering your partner. Take a look at this article.
There are many negative opinions about marriage. It is amazing how people can be so creative with the difficulties of life together. No one denies that intimate coexistence has its moments of annoyance, but it is also true that sharing the day with someone you love, respect and admire, causes great satisfaction.
The psychotherapist, Dr. Harriet Lerner, after numerous studies with couples in recent years, explains that the number one complaint of husbands is nothing more and nothing less than the continuous complaints of their wives. It is so so, that the complaints of the wives are considered the most annoying of the women consider the most annoying, to the extent that such behavior has become a common joke for a long time.
A conversation with a friend:
«My husband is romantic, he always surprises me with details, he is affectionate and gentle. I can’t take it anymore. And the friend asks him: “But… isn’t this good?” She responds, “It’s boring. He never fights! “
The complaint: a dead end
Joking aside, the truth is that many husbands feel uncomfortable with criticism and end up walking away from their wives, for not knowing how to handle that constant judgment. Many go to the point where they come to believe that they are not admired by their wives, since they only receive complaints from them. This situation often falls into a dead end, when the woman says, in these or other words: “If you want me to stop complaining, then do things right.” Hard, isn’t it? The married couple starts walking down a street called: “Either you change, or our marriage ends.”
The importance of respecting different perspectives
The marriage would not have died if the couple had understood each other’s views. The man has a terrible feeling of always being criticized and not having the admiration of his wife. On the contrary, women also feel bad for not feeling understood and cared for in their needs. When we learn to respect different points of view, new possibilities arise and it becomes easier to understand the attitudes of the other. This learning, especially in marriage, is a great gain.
The power of admiration
If you complain a lot about your partner, and you have honestly realized that this is affecting your marriage, I invite you to cut the cycle of pain immediately. It is not so complicated: pen and paper in hand, write down everything you admire about your husband in his different facets: as a human being, a man, a father, a son. Do it, and then return to continue reading what follows …
After reading that (surprising?) List aloud, you will realize that you have overlooked a lot of great things about your partner. This is a great exercise. But you can’t stay there. You have to go further; As I wrote in the article on The Wonder and the Power of Love : Feeling admiration is not enough: admiration must be demonstrated.
Precautions to take
People usually talk a lot, but they rarely speak in order to be understood. Complaining, criticizing and scorning are not intelligent ways to communicate, because they do not promote understanding, but pain. You are careful never to fall into destructive criticism, but that your criticism is always clear and constructive, one that edifies him, and encourages him to do better. This will make your husband feel grateful and happy to meet you and be a part of your life.
It is important to think that complaints and dead ends only fuel conflict and transform any relationship into something unpleasantly complicated. For this reason, I invite you to pay attention to your own attitudes, so that you take care that your husband never feels cornered. It is that not infrequently we act without thinking and, without even trying, we cause hurt feelings that could easily be avoided. If you were interested in this article, you will surely want to read these two:
7 Ways To Show Gratitude To Your Husband Or You Can Read: 10 Compliments Your Husband Needs To Hear From You
_Translated from Portuguese and adapted to Spanish by Óscar Pech, from A reclação number 1 dos homens married não é o que você pensa, by Suely Buriasco