In our eagerness to correct and discipline our children, we can make some mistakes that can be even more terrible than the behavior to avoid or improve. Don’t let this happen to you when you seek to help them in your efforts.
In my experience as a pedagogue, when I work with parents to establish order, limits and discipline with their children, I invariably encounter the following scenario:
Parents who say they will get things done, but don’t even try.
Parents who go home, become committed to their family and little by little improve together.
Parents who seek to make abrupt changes, without dialogue and with the desire to obtain good results soon.
The latter type of parents can become the ones who most harm the family if, in their spirit of making changes with their children, they make these six mistakes:
1. They scream things
Yelling, in short, will never be a good option, except to warn of imminent danger to someone who is far from us and does not hear us at a normal or low volume; from there on out, the screaming only produces what many of us call “deafness to the father”: the mother or father scream so much, all day long and for whatever reason, that the child “gets used to it” and simply ignores it, pretends to listen his mind is in another world.
If it is bad enough for anyone to live with someone who “screams like crazy”, what follows is that they will start yelling at others too and will stop until they get into serious trouble, which is a worse situation.
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2. A period and blood
Did they hit you? The hitter is also regularly beaten. Hitting is as bad as yelling, both actions hurt, but hitting, apart from running the risk of causing a serious injury to the child, generates resentment, hatred and many times, desires for revenge.
If a child is hit, he will look for someone to hurt as well. Avoid paying the psychologist, the psychiatrist and even the lawyers in the future, taking care of the mental health, dignity and integrity of your children today. Do it for yourself too, heal your past by correcting the present and avoid being left alone, without the affection of your children when you are old.
3. The indelible marks
They say that the marks of the blows, with due care, are removed in a few days, but those that leave humiliation and abuse never go away. Denigrating your child is not a means of discipline. Instead, it is perverse and brings dire consequences.
4. We are unique, and so are our achievements
We are all different, even twins! You cannot use sibling, classmate, or teammate comparison to “cheer” or “inspire” your children to be better.
It is one thing to have an example to follow, an idol, a hero, someone to admire and seek to emulate in a personal way, which is positive, and another is to compare or compare someone with another person.
5. Punishment is useless, consequences are not
Punishments and rewards, from my perspective, are used in circuses to train animals, and even circuses are closing for doing this! How much more not to do it with our children.
The word “punishment” should be replaced by “consequences.” For example: a child who, because he is playing, spills milk on the table and is punished without watching television. There is no teaching here! When we talk about consequences, following the same example, it would be like this: the child cleans up what he spilled and runs out of milk. There are no screams, no claims or sermons. The child takes responsibility for what he does, corrects and, if possible, amends. Goodbye to blame and resentment.
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6. Don’t pay for these things
Out of love, grades, or good behavior, it doesn’t work. How do we pay for these things? Well, we do it when we say to our son: “I’m going to give you this if you do this, or you stop doing that.” Children, then, do something for a prize and not because it is good to do it. Example: “If you get ten in math, I’m going to buy you a cell phone.” The boy gets a ten and demands her prize. Where is the teaching, the growth?
If you do this when they are children, think about what are you going to promise when they are teenagers? And even more, can you afford it?
Educating and raising children are the most important and valuable tasks that a human being can perform in his life. It’s worth the effort, it’s really worth it. However, do not despair, go little by little and you will taste and enjoy the sweet fruits of perseverance.