What happens if we do not learn to communicate properly and we do not know how to express ourselves without reproach or complaints? Our whole life becomes a continuous leak that eats away the love and peace of home. Learning to communicate is essential.
Manuela gets up every day at six in the morning, prepares the mate and turns on the radio. In the distance a bird chirps, and from the bedroom a complaint is heard: “Don’t make so much noise.” She puts on her headphones and tries to be as quiet as possible. Inadvertently, somewhat nervous, she drops a notebook that is on the table. Now the complaint becomes an insult. Manuela takes the sweet mate, which now tastes bitter to her. Stealthily she prepares to go to shower; but when he reaches the bathroom door, he turns the latch that is loose and it falls producing a deeply sad noise. Eusebio gets up and peppers her with hurtful words and threats. Manuela has been bleeding for 35 years from the pain of feeling nothing, or little. However, she passionately loves that man who complains about everything, but who at the end of November gives her jasmine and from time to time whispers that he loves her.
Dardo no longer knows what to do, his guard has finished for today, he has not gone home for three days, he is exhausted, his colleagues at the hospital tell him to go to rest, but he does not want to: he prefers to be without sleep and work all the time. day to return home. Every day there is a new discussion, one more reproach that adds to the endless list of mistakes assigned to it. Only outside the home does he feel at peace, he was married five months ago and is afraid that he will not last another day. Adela stopped being the sweet and tender girl of the courtship, to become a nightmare. “Help meet” said the minister who married them, “wrong help” jokingly say her colleagues.
Manuela, Dardo and many of my patients, often express these types of phrases: “I can not stand it anymore”, “It does not stop bothering me”, “It continues for weeks remembering and murmuring”, while the pain swirls and all the options for the future below the threshold of their horizons they seem completely dark.
Having good communication in marriage is not easy. At the beginning, all couples believe that everything will go smoothly, but when differences arise between them, disagreements begin. Achieving a good marriage is extremely difficult if communication between spouses is faulty or inadequate. Establishing a lasting and rewarding relationship takes more than financial well-being.
Marriages that manage to be happy and wish to be united forever, have a secret, their taps (pipes) do not leak. In my house a tap leaked, there was no toilet (plumber) who could handle it. One day, in the Bible, I found in Proverbs 27:15: “a continuous leak in rainy weather and the quarrelsome woman are alike.” I was grateful for the simplicity and depth of that message.
Quarrelsome people are the kind of continuous leak that can be a never-ending nightmare: they lack self-control in their emotions and they let their frustrations, disappointments and anguish drip without being able to express with wisdom what they feel or what happens to them.
Marriages that last are those that have learned to express opinions and emotions frankly; where tenderness is present and respect leads to patience and understanding. When these qualities are part of the marriage, communication is a delight and there is no room for pain.
Ideas to open the door to good communication
Renew your vocabulary. Just as with a faulty faucet that requires some of its parts to be renewed, renewing your way of thinking can be of great help. Begin the sentences with the pronoun: “I” and not: “you” as you usually do, “I can’t understand what you say” instead of: “what you say is very silly.”
Continue to admire him. When we have lost the admiration of the courtship, it is very common to fall into remembering in detail all the mistakes made and the negative impressions. Expressing satisfaction in the things you do or say can be an effective tool that allows love to continue to play freely in the garden.
Identify and eliminate the bad habits you have in communication. Evaluate, for example: Do you yell to express what you want? Are your comments destructive?
Ask for forgiveness without delay. The most effective recipe to remedy a hurtful word, an outburst or a negative response, is to ask for forgiveness without delay. By delaying apologies, the climate becomes hostile and aggressiveness is reinforced in both. Taking the blame and saying, “I’m sorry,” is part of successful communication.
Think of “us”, not “I”. As you focus on the conflicts and faults of the other, it is often very easy for you to forget about your common goals and begin to focus on your wants and needs. Forgetting that both are a unit and have goals and dreams in common, is falling into the trap of not wanting to be together and a door that opens to selfishness or infidelity.
Say what you want, but say it with love. As has been said so many times, it doesn’t matter what you say, it matters how you say it. For a moment imagine your children watching you when you express yourself in anger or gesture. Can you perceive what hurts them, or the image they form of you, when you speak in that way?
Share your earned medals with others. Relating times of adversity and fears shared together is a way to strengthen ties and build each other up. Couples who remain together beyond time and trials are the ones who together recall with pride and satisfaction having succeeded in tough experiences and surviving painful situations.
Remember to check the faulty taps of your communication to enjoy a better relationship in your marriage, a timely repair will become an imperishable understanding.