To you, who before any setback you put the word divorce on the table, these words are addressed.
Divorce went from being the last option to being the first. While before couples tried anything to avoid separating, today “irreconcilable differences” are the backpack where everything fits. From little tolerance to problems, little coexistence, stress and infidelities, to violence, fed up and little commitment.
The number of marriages is still significant, the problem is that it seems that you have no idea why you are getting married. This is demonstrated by the 22% increase in divorces, at least in Mexico, between 2011 and 2013. It is clear, then, that the «they lived happily ever after» is no longer part of the happy endings.
I have no problem with divorce, my problem is the reasons we got divorced, which reveal the worst in human nature. Lack of values, of responsibility, of true love, of knowing what you want. This is demonstrated by the most common causes of divorce: violence, financial disagreements, abandonment of home, adultery. However, with all of the above – or perhaps precisely because of that – we cannot speak of divorce as the ideal scenario.
I invite you to read 7 ways to avoid divorce
What’s wrong with getting divorced?
1. Social problems
If you believed that getting divorced only affected you, your partner and your children, you are very wrong. In charge of the family are the moral foundations of society. Increase in crimes, consumption of prohibited substances, school dropouts, little attention to the education of children. All of that is in part due to broken families.
2. Economic impact
When we get divorced, in addition to the costs derived from the procedure, there is the damage in pesos that this causes to the family. A divorce can cause expenses to be doubled. New rent payments, double payment for services, discounts for spousal and child support. What used to be a prosperous family will almost certainly cease to be.
3. Parent-child relationship
It is not just the parent who becomes absent, but the children tend to blame the one who stays for the absence of the other. So not one is lost, but two parents. And it becomes a vicious circle, since the effects will have an impact on the kind of parents they are in the future.
Relee: Imminent divorce. 7 things you should not do in front of your children.
4. Emotional damage
It doesn’t matter why you got divorced. The feeling of defeat, of guilt, of distrust in one’s own decisions, will take its toll on you. It is inevitable to feel that you failed, that you lacked what was necessary or that you do not know how to choose well. Either way you will not come out of the experience well.
Mind you, I’m not saying that you stay in spite of everything in a marriage that doesn’t work as such. I ask you to go back to the times when divorce was only one option -the last option-, because before you were betting on all the others. Those that involved betting on love precisely because of everything bad about getting divorced.
And when all is said and it is time to face the divorce, I invite you to read: Mantras for those who live a divorce