Many times the fights and arguments between siblings reach the ears of the parents, so they put us at a crossroads about what to do about it. What to do about it? Here I share some tips.
“Mom, Mom, my brother hit me.” “It’s not true, Mom, she fell alone, I didn’t do anything to her.” How many times have you heard these phrases? It seems almost normal to us to assume that siblings fight because they “love each other” or because “it is the genetics” of having a brother. In most cases, these discussions begin with details that we might consider absurd, but which for our children are almost vitally important: defining their place within the family group.
The maternal instinct will lead us to get involved in this fight and defend the youngest, so we will be criticizing the behavior of the oldest and, perhaps, end up punishing him, whether or not he is the culprit of the situation. With this we only generate more friction and differences in the relationship that we try to foster. Do you want to know how to avoid it? Here are a few tips:
Do not compare
The worst thing we can do is compare one child to another; for example, “Why aren’t you like your brother?” or “If he can, so can you.” With this we immediately provoke a rejection between brothers, because they feel that we love one more than the other. Instead, try to use phrases that encourage them to improve without making comparisons, such as “You can” or highlighting some quality, “With your intelligence, I am sure you will achieve it.”
1. Make no difference
Although the smallest is usually the gift , it is important that you be impartial when making a decision on the subject. Emphasize the differences that identify each one and how this makes them special, so that they do not use them as personal disqualifications. Instead of agreeing with one, find a third alternative that fits.
2. In a fight both are guilty
To argue or fight you need at least two people. If one of them does not agree, he can ignore his “rival”, so when your children are the ones who argue you must emphasize this essential condition: they are both guilty. I remember that my grandmother always said: “Even law is not hard”, and we had to carry out the punishment all those involved, even if we had only been watching.
3. Create spaces to share with everyone
Due to age, gender, character and many other characteristics, your children are different from each other, so your ways of showing affection must be in accordance with what they understand by displays of affection. Find activities where you can share quality time with each one, perhaps supporting him in his favorite sport, reading a book or sharing an ice cream. Remember that quality is better than the amount of time you spend.
4. Highlight their differences and qualities
We are all different and that is what makes us special. If we were all the same, life would be very boring, we would have the same tastes, the same fears and no one would try to innovate. God made us in his image and likeness, but he also gave us the freedom to choose, thanks to which we have qualities that distinguish us and defects that identify us. Teach your children the importance of tolerance and respect, based on the benefit of differences.
If you follow these little tips, you will see how the arguments will soon decrease and you will be able to enjoy family outings, parties and all the other celebrations that involve family sharing. Teach them with love, with actions that demonstrate it and reinforce the values every day, since it is the latter that will guide them in difficult times.