Your words can help or destroy. Here, those words that destroy the shy child.
As we well know, our words have power, they have force. We can do wonderful things with the words that come out of our mouth, or really leave irreparable damage. We must be very careful with this power with everyone, but especially with our family. While all of our children deserve this love and care, a shy child is especially vulnerable to the pain of harsh, poison-filled words.
These words are for every parent who has a shy child, and as such is prone to saying things that, even if we don’t want to, are hurtful and make them feel bad about the person they are. This is especially a problem when you as a mother or father are not shy, and you don’t understand why your child is behaving in a certain way. Even if you don’t understand it, it is important that you never say the following words:
1. You are too quiet
It is the nature of any shy child to be quieter than others. This does not mean that you have nothing to say but that you usually take time to think and organize your ideas so that you can communicate them in the most efficient way. Being quiet is not a sin, and even less when being quiet implies that one thinks before speaking, most shy children have this gift.
Relee: What I have learned from my shy son.
2. You have to be more social
Saying this to your child is sending an implicit message that being social is much better than not being social. I agree that we all have to learn to behave with decorum in social situations, and that it is good that your child knows how to communicate with others, but this does not mean that your child has to have thousands of friends and always be surrounded by people. Knowing how to communicate with others and being social are not the same thing. Accept the fact that your child will have good friends throughout his life, few but good, that he will never like being around people, and that the parties just won’t be his thing. Appreciate the way he relishes lonely moments, a good book, or a conversation where just the two of you are.
Relee: My son has no friends, how can I help him?
3. You are an exaggeration
This is not always the case, but for some reason shy children tend to be more sensitive than others. They deeply feel any emotion, both happiness and sadness, it is easy to hurt their feelings. This is why many shy children come to think of themselves as exaggerated or melodramatic children. This is, perhaps, the most damaging message you can send her: that her feelings are out of place and that she should feel less. Being sensitive does not mean that they are dramatic but that they experience their emotion differently from others, in a deeper way, and yes, in a beautiful way. This is especially important if you have a boy: never make him feel like he should feel less just because he’s a boy. It is time to teach them that a true man is not afraid of any emotions, even those that make him look vulnerable.
Reread: 5 things you should do so that your child is not shy and fearful.
We can do many things with the power of our tongue, do not allow it to destroy the fragile self-esteem of your little one. Let him know that he is beautiful just the way he is, even if sometimes you don’t understand him, even if he is different from you.