He is capricious, knows no limits, is ungovernable, tantrum and overprotected. We sure are talking about a tyrant emperor!
Having only one child often becomes a challenge. If we usually give him everything he asks for as soon as possible, overprotecting him, fulfilling all his whims and not setting limits, we will most likely end up forming a self-centered character. Such a child is usually selfish, intolerant, violent and even cruel to animals, companions or to himself and his parents, the latter being his first and worst victims. Does the image sound familiar?
Let me tell you that I love education, I firmly believe that it is through this means that each and every one of us can truly improve ourselves, improve our living conditions and transcend. It is for this reason that I dedicate myself to the education and training of parents, having the opportunity to receive every year young couples who face new challenges around the education of their children.
Twenty years ago, the parents who came to me had children who were in high school or high school, however, with the passage of time, the cases in which the problems occur in children of preschool age have increased. This situation usually causes in parents feelings of helplessness, incapacity and total ignorance about how to educate and correct their children.
The well-worn phrase: “Nobody is educated to be a father” has become the best excuse for not accepting the truth of the situation: “Many times I have not been interested in learning to be a good father. Thus, many parents hide behind justifications like this, which in the end are very expensive, it hurts and embarrasses them more the day their children commit an offense, damage their life or that of others.
We have also heard frequently that while we were children we learned models of parenthood from our parents, whether they were appropriate or not, but they did. In the same way as the previous one, many justify themselves in this statement believing that they cannot do something else with their own children. However, although we learn from our parents, there is always something that tells us how to be a better parent, there is a kind of instinct and there are many books that help us learn it.
Regarding the latter, I invite you to read: The importance of living your beliefs, here you will find that living your faith also helps you raise your children correctly.
I return to these two examples, because I believe that the phenomenon of the emperor sons has to do with all this. Let me tell you what this problem consists of.
1. A child does not become a tyrant overnight
Welcome to the sovereignty of caprice. Babies learn from their first days that crying is the way to express their needs and to have them met. As time goes by, they understand that the louder they cry, the faster they will be taken care of and thus starts a chain that if not limited and channeled properly, will end up suffocating parents when their children grow up.
I invite you to read: Fragile self-esteem and tyrant children
2. Where there is too much, something is missing
Giving your children everything that you did not have, satisfying them with full hands, without effort on their part and without control, will terribly damage their lives. Too often, and I would venture to say, that almost always, parents who give their all and too much experience feelings of great guilt for not spending enough time with their children. This situation can be due to various reasons: either because they cannot, do not want or do not like to spend time with them; The important thing here is to highlight that in this situation, they seek to fill the gaps with many gifts. However, their guilt will disappear for a short time and children will learn to demand more and more things.
3. What is left does not replace what is missing
A child who has plenty of clothes, food, toys, extra classes, walks, money or huge children’s parties, often lacks basic but indispensable things. A discipline that sets clear limits, fair rules and regulations, that provides security, trust and love is essential for the healthy development of a child. Pampering your children without discipline is not love. A loving parent is firm, but not harsh. A loving mother shapes the character of her child, does not deform it with endless complacency.
4. Excess stimuli quenches desire
A child who has had everything even before asking for it does not learn to desire something and then strive to obtain it. He also has no notion of the value of things or of the work involved in obtaining them. Children who grow up in this environment have the wrong idea that everyone is there to serve them by simply snapping their fingers, squinting, shedding tears or threatening to hurt themselves. In extreme cases, we can find children who hold their breath to pressure their parents to get what they want, use blackmail accusing them of abandonment and blame them for how bad they have been to them.
I invite you to read: A short infallible manual to make your children unhappy
According to the specialists on the subject, this is how what they have called begins: filio-parental psychological violence, which comes to be expressed in very sad cases of adolescent children who not only disrespect their parents, but also offend and even hit them .
Although the outlook can be daunting, let me tell you that the best remedy for this evil of the century is cheap and you can do it at home: learn to say ‘no’, to set limits and not feel guilty. Be of good cheer, the sovereignty of caprice can be overthrown.