For the sake of our family we must be aware of the many threats that threaten our happiness. If we knew who that murderer was, we would do everything to avoid him. True?
Word got out in one neighborhood that there was a thief. All the parents tightened their locks, the neighbors organized to take care of each other, the police tightened surveillance. The next time the thief wanted to do his thing, the efficient organization of this community allowed the police to catch up, and everyone was able to return with relief to the safety of their homes. One reads this story one thinks that I wish that in our life we could do the same: catch the thief and return to a calm and confident life. But it’s not like that.
Thieves threatening our marriages and family
In the last three years, the divorce rate has increased by 40%.
Partner violence, far from being eradicated, is present in up to 71% of couples.
Addiction rates continue to rise. It has been shown that the possibility of falling into these is much higher due to family dysfunctions.
The practice of infidelity is only increasing, where 15% of women and 25% of men have ever had relationships with people who are not their partner. If we include statistics on emotional infidelity, the numbers practically double.
For the sake of our family we must be aware of the existence not of one, but of many thieves who are constantly on the lookout, as read in 1 Peter 5: 8. Thieves who, if we allow it, can murder the most valuable company entrusted to us: our marriage, your happiness and that of our families.
Again: if we knew who this killer on the lookout was we would do everything to avoid him. True? He is a subtle, silent and accurate killer. He begins his work deep within the human mind and heart. From there he is hurting people and undermining relationships: this killer is contempt. But how? We might ask. Yes I love my spouse!
I’m sure you will be interested in reading: 5 silent ways in which women slowly kill their husbands.
The main poison of the family
We love each other, that’s how we all start, isn’t it? But we all carry a deep selfishness: it is difficult for us to overcome our comfort, our dreams, to then embrace the individuality, the needs and even the defects of the one we want to love, because it must be said: love is always a path, a fight that does not end.
In the film The Devil’s Advocate , which is about to end, the actor who personifies the devil lets out a very harsh phrase, both simpler and more evident: “Pride, without a doubt my favorite sin.” Vanity, pride, arrogance that, without realizing it, can sneak into the cracks of our marriage. These points will allow us to detect in which areas we may be losing the battle with selfishness, allowing contempt to corrupt even the most beautiful love.
Reread: 5 Things We Should n’t Do Unless We Want To End Our Marriage.
We still have time to stop this dangerous murderer! Here I share the following principles:
1. Feel superior
We do something better than him and, without realizing it, we allow a feeling of self-sufficiency to gain ground: why do I need him, if I am better than my partner, or if I solve this problem better?
2. Not appreciating the differences with your spouse
When driving, telling the same joke, even playing with our children, he and she will behave in different ways because – fortunately – we change and we are different. Letting ourselves win, allowing these differences to irritate us instead of acknowledging them and appreciating the richness they entail, will make all the difference.
3. Easily offend you
A small insult, the one that occurs deep in the heart. No one can see our privacy, but when we allow contempt to be born in our thoughts, they will permeate our attitudes, words and deeds. The process may be slow but it is safe.
4. Small inconsistencies
I know you like pizza, but I want sushi. I know you like this movie, but I want that one. Just as the repetition of good acts is transformed into virtue, the repetition of selfish acts can be transformed into a vice.
5. Disrespecting your partner
A joke – almost innocent – in front of our parents or his friends, criticizing or disqualifying him before our children, undermines his authority, damages his image. But it is in us that the most serious change occurs: we are losing respect and, how can we continue to love those we do not admire?
6. Disregard your needs
As banal as they may seem to us. We all need to feel attractive and admired. Your partner needs it. It has shortcomings, needs and ambitions. Do you help him in his quest to be happy?
We can all fall into these little temptations, we can also recognize them and go back on the road, consciously directing ourselves to an attitude of loving understanding and acceptance.
If we discover, on the contrary, that it is our spouse who seems to show attitudes of contempt, it is time to speak it with love and maturity. Remember that no one can make us feel inferior without our consent. No, we cannot control the thoughts or actions of our spouse, but we can decide how to react to them. It’s amazing how when we stop trying to control others, we regain power over ourselves.
Contempt can manifest itself in the most subtle ways and non-verbal language will allow us to recognize some of them in the tone of voice, the smug sighs or perhaps the roll of the eyes. Let us carefully observe our attitudes, even towards our children or co-workers.
Now you meet that silent and tenacious killer who, like water, seeps through small crevices. And since knowledge is power, it is time to get hold of the tools to banish it from our life, from our relationship. Let us ask God to give us a pure, generous heart, ready to give itself without measure because, as Saint Augustine said: “The measure of love is to love without measure.”