The Ten Phrases You Should Not Say To A Newbie

When we are new mothers we listen to all the advice, although many times some of it is wrong. For this reason, these are the ten phrases that should never be said to a new mother.

Spontaneous, unpredictable and authoritative. Sweet, sensitive and containing. Funny, sometimes serious, sometimes bossy. This is how mothers are; we can be all that and much more and change completely in a matter of seconds. To mitigate these sudden mood swings, there is nothing more restorative than your child’s smile. My daughter disarms me when I want to put her to sleep and I look at her and she gives me a smile that would melt the North Pole.

But sometimes those moments of closeness are clouded by people who criticize the way you raise, especially when you are a first time. Many times, in an effort to help us, or to give us advice, they do not realize that they are harming us; that their experience as fathers or mothers does not apply in a generalized way to all mothers who are raising a baby and thus they believe they know better than we do when our baby is cold, when he is hungry. They think they know if they cry from sleep, because something hurts, just as they also believe that you, who are the mother, don’t know anything. Yes, there are dear people around us who are always willing to give us a hand or help us in this difficult and beautiful trance of being a mother, but there are many people who throw out advice or opinions without being asked and in this way irritate or irritate us. They get out of their minds, just when we have a hormonal revolution and we need more support than ever.

For the same reason, after having gone through that experience, I share ten phrases that I believe should never be said to a new mother.

  • Poor thing, he’s hungry. ” Babies don’t just cry out of hunger and if they suck their hand, not always when they suck their hand a baby is hungry; babies suck their hands and put everything in their mouth normally: it is their way of seeing the world, and they cry for other reasons too.

  • It took your time “, or ” He will get used to the arms “. Babies cry because they cannot speak. It is their way of communicating, and sometimes they ask us to give them our arms. If you are one of the mothers who wants to “listen” to your child when he asks, go ahead. If your instinct says pick it up, then pick it up. Time passes very quickly, and when you least expect it it will be running all over the house and, believe me, the time will come when you will long for the days when you let yourself be carried in your arms.

  • Give him a bottle and sleep all night “. Many times people insist on telling you how to feed your child. Breastfeeding is the best there is for our baby, there is nothing that can replace the food provided by the breast. In addition, it is unfortunate advice for the first months of life, since if the baby becomes accustomed to drinking formula milk, the production of breast milk may decrease.

  • « Don’t get used to sleeping on your chest, then you won’t be able to get it out anymore». I have not yet seen anyone who at 35 continues to feed from his mother’s breast and thus falls asleep. Each mother does what she feels and what her instinct inspires. There comes a point when children on their own are neurologically maturing and will no longer need the breast or the pacifier to sleep.

  • « Don’t put it on your bed, you won’t take it out anymore». Same as above: Did anyone sleep with their parents until they were 30? The co – sleeping is a historical practice, and is very beneficial for the baby and for the mother. It has more benefits than disadvantages, so if you are one of the mothers who choose to sleep with their baby, go ahead. Trust your maternal instinct. Do what you feel and not what they tell you.

  • « You got used to being with you badly and now he doesn’t want to go with anyone «. Babies want — and need — the warmth and smell of their mother, where not only were they nine months, but she is the person with whom they have the most contact in the first months of life; It is the most natural and normal thing in the world that the person they most need to be with is their mother. This is called secure attachment , and it is the best tool we can give our children to grow independent and secure. Little by little they will make contact with the external world and they will become more sociable, but it is natural that a six-month-old baby only wants to be close to his mother when there are strangers around, and that does not mean that the child is not sociable. .

  • That child is five months old, he should eat by now ” WHO recommends that babies up to six months of age drink only breast milk exclusively, or formula milk failing that. Feeding, after six months, is only complementary and has a mainly playful and learning role. After one year of life, food is already important because it has a nutritional role. There is no rush for your baby to eat, everyone has their time.

  • After six months your milk is already watered down ” Nothing could be further from the truth. The breast milk is the best food for a baby there until the year of life, it has all the nutrients you need and defenses, and after six months remains as nutritious as the beginning. Turn a deaf ear, continue feeding your baby with breast milk, which in addition to nutrients gives him a lot of love.

  • « It will be that your milk does not fill it ». If I have heard this phrase during my daughter’s first 30 days! A one-month-old baby takes every little time. Needs to be latched on most of the day, like baby dogs or kittens. This phrase can destabilize any mother, and she can make the mistake of believing it. It is important that as a mother you know that your milk does fill and is made especially for your child. If a small baby cries, that does not mean that he is hungry: he may need a diaper change, or be cold, or some pain or discomfort. On the other hand, it is normal for them to suck every two or three hours, there are even times when they need it every hour. Then that schedule will be regulated, so it is important to give them time and a lot of patience.

  • The tit is a bondage. ” Breastfeeding is an act of love, nothing could be further than describing it as “slavery”. It can be more of a slave to leave the house with powdered milk, bottles, hot water, thermal containers and find a place to heat the water. Breastfeeding is like an “Express-service”; it is there at the right temperature for our baby, at every moment and wherever we go.

So relax, moms. Nobody says it’s easy. Sometimes we run into people who overshadow this beautiful moment and make us feel vulnerable and doubtful. It will be a matter of turning a deaf ear, and listening only to those people who want to give us a hand on this beautiful —but sometimes difficult— path that is motherhood. Love is the key, there are no magic recipes.

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