“It’s not you, it’s Me”. Faced with an infidelity, this is not necessarily a cliché, but the truth: those who cheat are looking for a change that does not have to do with who their partner is, but with what they feel.
Because he cheated on me?
This is the first thing that goes through the minds of people who discover they have been the victims of infidelity, however, I must tell you that, unless it is for revenge or some macabre plan, infidels do not cheat to hurt the other person, even if that is the direct consequence of their actions. They do it to satisfy the craving to feel wanted, appreciated, and / or because they are looking for a change. However, infidelity does not happen by spontaneous combustion: it requires a trigger. Some of the most common triggers are:
There is a saying that says “There is no one to give bread, let him cry.” And so it happens: It is difficult (for men and women alike) to resist the attention and details of someone who constantly strives to woo us. And this is worse in the case of men, who educated under the premise that “to be men they must have many women”, many times prefer to cheat and risk losing, than to decline the invitation of a woman.
Lack of attention
As simple as that. If you have salt on your table, you don’t get up to look for the salt on someone else’s table, however, many times we take what we have for granted and do nothing to preserve it. And then we say we are surprised when who we believed safe, opens the door of his heart to the attention of someone else.
Not give us respect
If a person cheats every time he has an opportunity, it is simply because his partner is allowing it. No one who is afraid of losing their partner makes cheating a lifestyle, and if they do, it is because they have already discovered that hurting with cheating has no consequences. Remember what this Arabic adage says: “The first time you cheat on me, it will be your fault, the second time, it will be my fault.”
Lack of love
Sometimes we stay in a relationship out of comfort and habit, but not out of love. But since there is no love, there are no bonds that prevent us from being unfaithful to our partner. Many will say that when love ends “it is better for the couple to leave”, that “there is no reason to cheat.” But why not? I know this seems cynical, but it is true: if a separation is going to create conflicts with family, friends and financially, why separate if, while the extramarital relationship remains anonymous, the unfaithful considers that there will be no problem. The best way to avoid this is to have clear rules about marriage and even how to proceed in the event of a separation. In this way, we eliminate the possibility that they “stay with us” only for financial gain, or for social pressure.
Many times we deeply love our life partner, but day to day, with the boredom and problems of daily living together, make the idea of romance with our partner anything but an attractive option. And so one day you find yourself enjoying the company of someone else; From there to infidelity, it is only a matter of time.
We don’t feel comfortable in our relationship
It does not necessarily imply that the partner is not loved, but many times there are attitudes that annoy us and we look for someone who does have that attribute that the other half does not have.
Broadly speaking, these are some of the reasons that, although they do not justify, they can explain why a committed person allows himself to be involved with someone else. It is not my intention to excuse infidelity, but to remove the “personal” connotation that we give it due to our wounded pride and the idea that we have that the person we love and with whom we share our life is our property. No one owns anyone, if so then they would not be a couple, but slaves of each other. Therefore, we need to assume that when we stay with a person it is because of everything they bring to our life, and that there is always the possibility that one day we simply no longer want to stay together.
We cannot force other people to act the way we want, but we can take it as a life circumstance from which we can learn, both to get away and start over, and to rethink the covenants of our relationship. It will be up to each person to determine whether to leave or stay, but suffering by making something personal that only responds to one’s dissatisfaction is unnecessary rudeness to ourselves.