When it all falls apart, these 10 steps will help you save the love that brought you together.
Many are the people who have a distorted concept about what forgiveness is. They mistakenly think that forgiveness is the same as completely forgetting an offense and re-treating the offender in the same way as before the betrayal or deception occurred.
The truth is that who, in his five senses, could “lose his memory in that way” and follow the path next to someone who is capable of doing harm when he least expects it? I don’t think many; That is the reason why hundreds of friendships and marriages end radically and not on the best terms, leaving in their wake people with strong emotional voids and a lot of suffering.
What is forgiveness?
A simple and wonderful concept of what forgiveness is is offered by the Happy Buddha page. In this portal they explain that forgiving implies having the sincere will not to feel resentment or have bad thoughts, attitudes and / or behaviors towards those who have caused great moral or physical damage. It is equal to giving up the desire for revenge.
Do you understand now the difference between the concept that is tacitly handled by people in general and what it really implies to forgive someone?
Forgiving is a reciprocal act where by freeing yourself from all the bad feelings caused by the act that hurt you, you free the other from debt and rid yourself of pain, resentment, making you free and capable of being happy with yourself again .
Forgiveness within marriage
One of the human relationships that involve a strong affective and respectful commitment is marriage. That is perhaps why when one of the parties that makes up the couple hurts the other in a practically irreparable way, things usually always end in divorce.
And it is that in reality forgiving acts such as infidelity, physical, verbal and emotional abuse, addictions, waste of money, among others, involves a lot of love, strength and humility on both sides, both to ask for sincere forgiveness and not to commit them again, as well as to grant.
Francisco Gras explains that within the couple, when acts such as what I have already mentioned are committed, the offender (who has failed) if he wishes to be forgiven, must go through a process of restitution of the damage towards the injured spouse.
I know that considering the idea of forgiving marital violence or infidelity can be crazy; However, Gras maintains that if the couple takes responsibility for their actions, it could save their marriage.
Francisco Gras proposes 10 steps that I will summarize below:
1. Forgiveness must be asked clearly and sincerely before it is granted voluntarily by the person who has been offended.
2. The one who has failed must show with words and deeds that he is truly sorry.
3. Must express the intention not to repeat the offense, this under the firm condition of “zero tolerance” for a relapse.
4. You should do everything you can to help your partner heal the wounds caused by his faults, both past and present.
5. Make an action plan that helps you take into account what mistakes you made and which ultimately led you to hurt your partner so that in this way you can AVOID THEM.
6. That you develop a clear project that helps you both keep track of the established goals so that you both know what has been achieved and what has not, and thus avoid another fall.
7. There must be minimum coexistence agreements that help both of them to get back on track and rebuild what has been destroyed both as a couple and as a family.
8. It must be clear to the offender that there will be no room for second chances.
9. The consequences that these mistakes have had on the most defenseless of the family (the children) must be taken into account. This in order to protect them in the future from the possible problems that they may cause and likewise, find a way to repair the damage caused.
10. Both parts of the couple must commit to living without resentment, distrust and must seek to cultivate love and a happy coexistence for all those involved.
Forgiving whoever has hurt you is not easy, but it is not impossible either. I invite you to whatever the reason for your wounds, begin to forgive so that your wounds heal and you become happy again.