Parents Of A Different Child? Take It!

Although it is politically incorrect to admit it, it is a test that if you could, few would choose to experiment.

There are two situations that no mother in the world wants to go through: the first is losing a child. The second is that one of their children is born ill, especially if the condition limits their social integration and development as a person. While it is politically incorrect to admit it, it is a test that few would choose to experience if possible.

I do not mean to decide already in the gestation process, I mean, rather, to possess a crystal ball that will anticipate the future and avoid crucial tests. And the fact is that, although I often hear it said that children with special abilities are angels that God sends — as if they were not all — many times the disease condemns them to a life of suffering that exceeds all proportion.

Even so, there are those who judge the mothers whose pain bends them, women who, beyond love, recognize the future of uncertainty that lurks once they are gone and those beloved children are alone. I am of the idea that problems are not to complain about, but to seek a remedy, but how to deal with that reality?

Read: Teach your children to live with people with disabilities

The process to accept that we have a child with disabilities in six steps

1. Live the duel

Believe it or not, facing the reality of a child with a disability also means going through the grieving process. Many of the illusions and plans that are had before birth must be rethought, and accept that what we had imagined will no longer be. Don’t judge yourself for having mixed feelings.

2. Discover the implications of your condition

Before getting carried away by fear, it is important to inform ourselves about what it means to live in the situation you are going through. Having the ability to cope with it will depend on that.

3. Explain to family and friends

It is overwhelming to assume that you have a disabled child. Especially because we feel responsible for her being born that way. Hence, shame and fear of rejection make us isolate ourselves so as not to give rise to ugly reactions. The recommendation is not to. For your sake and the child’s, don’t treat him as if he embarrassed you.

4. Internalize that your child needs you

It is normal to grieve. However, it is vital that you put your pain aside and realize how much he needs you. He did not ask to be born and is not to blame for his condition. Putting it aside because you don’t know how to deal with the situation will only add to your grief. Your indifference hurts him too.

5. Relating to people in the same situation

Strength is born from union, and no one will understand you better than people who are in the same situation. With them you will not have to hide your emotions, or justify your feelings. Their experiences will be similar to yours and they will be able to learn from each other. Besides that the interaction with children with the same needs will make them feel comfortable and accepted.

6. Betting on love

Love is the best ally to overcome the most difficult tests. If children with different abilities need something, it is to feel loved, because, in general, they are dependent and limited in their options, or they have difficulties communicating or expressing their feelings. Love them as if your life depended on it, because it most likely will.

I recommend you reread: 3 Golden Rules to address people with disabilities

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