If you think that no one taught us to be parents, you are wrong. Currently, there are many tools at our disposal to improve the way we educate and train our children. This is one.
As if it were a phrase made to justify our failures and ignorance in the education and training of children, many parents, when talking with them about the parenting problems they face, automatically defend themselves: «It is that nobody taught us to be parents ».
Every time I hear that phrase, I explain to them that each one, from birth, receives thousands and thousands of class-hours about motherhood and fatherhood from the greatest teachers we will ever have: our own parents.
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And yes, many of those lessons were wrong, they even hurt us, but there were also other very good ones that we will carry forever as great examples and wisdom of life. The problem comes when we don’t reflect on the lessons we take, and when we “don’t study for the test.” Over time we become a father and mother showing everything we learned good and bad for the benefit and harm of those we love the most: our own children.
A high school teacher once wrote on the blackboard: “A good parent prepares 20 years before their children are born,” and the years have shown me that my teacher was right.
If, in meditating on your past, you suspect that you have received many bad lessons, you will surely want to review the following five points and verify that you are not also giving “bad lessons”:
1. “A spanking in time …”
Knocks no more, please. It now causes us all to laugh (many bitter, full of resentments or bad memories) to remember Mom’s “flying chancla”, the “belt friend” or the cable, the board and the hose, and if we continue, we will remember humiliating punishments that they marked us. Your children should not go through this. Discipline is discipline, the same is obedience and responsibility, but ultimately violence is not the way.
Most of us who were beaten now beat our children until we understand that there are other and better ways to educate. If you hit, your children will fear you without respect, and instead of remembering the father (or mother) with affection, they will do it with resentment.
2. Payments and blackmails, not order and firmness
Of the most painful things there is: paying for love, respect or obedience. If instead of opening your heart you open your wallet and there is always something you should buy so that they can do their homework, a job or behave well, dear friend, there is a lot of work to do and correct.
3. Method of punishments-rewards or blame
Surely you have seen a show where an animal does a trick and after doing it correctly the trainer gives it a prize that, generally, is food. Something very similar happens when you reward or punish your child to do something: you become a trainer, not a father, since you degrade your child to an entity that does not reason, does not think or does not understand.
Does this sound familiar to you: «I give you everything! You lack nothing! I work all day for you! And you pay me like this. You are a bad son and I am a poor mother! »? It is cruel for a woman to manipulate her children (or husband) with blackmail that generates guilt. If you do, please stop.
Read another perspective on the non-punishment of children: https://fasadmilias.com/5329/ser%20padres/mejor-no-castigues-a-tus-hijos
4. Other people’s hands raise your children
You can give any explanation or reason that nothing else convinces you that leaving the responsibility of raising your child to someone else is your only option. Whether it’s a grandmother or grandfather, a close relative, an institution, or a nanny or nanny, rest assured that it will never be better than your presence.
5. Overprotection on the agenda
Overprotecting them is another act of cruelty, without a doubt motivated by your selfishness and not by the legitimate desire to love and care for a person. Review yourself thoroughly and discover your reasons for repeatedly cutting and plucking your child’s wings.
A father or mother consents, knows and understands this phrase: “The art of being parents means to stop being indispensable as soon as possible. We have our children to grow up to follow their own dreams. And think of this last thing Dorothy Corkile B wrote: “When as a parent I try to protect my son from the natural consequences of his behavior, I am crippling him, I am stunting his growth.”