No matter how complicated a child is, we should never speak aggressively to them. Learn how to correct negative behaviors with love.
All children are cute, cute, funny and eloquent, they are wonderful; just by observing them we are likely to fall in love with them instantly. However, there are moments in which we feel that they stop being beautiful and loving, that is where some parents lose control, since all that beauty and sympathy that they transmit easily turns into chaos.
It must be recognized that on more than one occasion we parents feel frustrated, worried and tired by all the responsibilities and obligations that we have to carry out daily for the well-being of the family; And when children have bad behaviors or attitudes, we usually yell at them or punish them without the slightest patience and remorse, without measuring theconsequences.
And yes, it is logical to act in that way, since there is no manual that specifies how parents should act when their children do not understand what is right or wrong, even when certain actions may put them in danger, affecting their safety and security. wellness.
It’s not your fault
When you become a mother or father, you are likely to adopt the way you were raised. Perhaps, during your childhood you were raised with toughness, firmness and rigidity by your parents and for this reason, you want to do the same with your children.
Times change and evolve, and it can be practically impossible to educate children by copying these patterns, since now they have more freedom to correct these behaviors, thanks to the virtual world in which we live.
By this I mean that there are many more pedagogical tools to get children to understand what is good or bad or about the things that put them in danger, that way you can guide and teach how to change those attitudes in a loving way and not in a a strict, spontaneous and cruel way as it was done in the past.
How and why speak lovingly to children?
Unfortunately, when parents explode and do not know the correct way to control their emotions when faced with complicated children, they will most likely hurt their feelings, leaving wounds difficult to heal, generating fear, hatred, resentment and revenge in their hearts. Even the aggressive way of correcting bad behavior will cause children to grow up with little confidence, security and self-esteem.
With that said, here are some loving and practical ways tocorrect your children , without reaching the consequences.
1 The exact moment
As a rule of thumb, parents must learn that they should never attack or attempt to discipline their children in public, as it will only cause embarrassment; and perhaps in the future they will become children who suffer from teasing or bullying.
If you perceive that your child has done something wrong in front of his friends or other people, the ideal is that you call him by his name, keeping him away from others, to take him to a private place; so you can explain the consequences of their actions.
For example: if your child is hitting another child, the best thing to do is to explain that hitting does not solve problems, that the only thing that can change this annoying situation is using communication and respect.
2 correct negative action
Avoid labeling your children with phrases such as “you are a fool”, “you are a bad boy”, “you are a ruthless savage”, and so on; since you will only be affecting their self-esteem, security and confidence. The ideal way to correct a bad action is to focus only on that negative situation, without the need to verbally attack the children.
“If you play ball inside the house, you will break Mom’s things and she will get very sad”, “If you hit your brother, you could hurt him and he will have to go to the hospital”, “Animals don’t get hit, because they are living beings that feel pain just like you ”.
3 No threats
A common mistake some parents make is threatening their children to correct their behaviors; “If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to hit you harder”, “You won’t sleep until you finish all your homework”, “Stop bothering your sister, because I’m going to hit you” . All these phrases achieve is to change a negative attitude for a few moments, but in the future the children will grow up frightened and with unnecessary fears.
The ideal way to correct them without threats is to use the word “consequence.” It is important to remind children that every good or bad action carries a consequence. So if you don’t do your homework on time, the consequence will be that you won’t be able to play and have fun, if you hit another child, the consequence will be that you will be left without friends, because no one will want to play with him or her, and so on.
One of the ways to motivate children to have good behaviors is when they are rewarded. If children receive a compliment, an award, or a surprise for their good deeds of the day, they will likely continue to do so.
It is like adults, when we work we expect financial reward; Like children, when they do positive things they will want to get something they crave, be it a candy, a toy or more time to play.
5 Listen to them and anticipate
Children often misbehave to get the attention of mom or dad; that is why it is important to always listen to them patiently and lovingly. The more you talk to your children, the more you will learn about their concerns, fears and fantasies, so you can guide them to have better attitudes.
It is also important to anticipate these negative behaviors and avoid exposing them. For example, if you know that your children throw tantrums when you take them to crowded places, avoid taking them, if you know that your children constantly fight with their brothers for not sharing toys, teach them to share or buy the same toys for each brother.
Remember that there are no good or bad children, they are only children who in one way or another act negatively because they want to express a feeling, express something that is happening to them, or because they imitate the behaviors they see around them. Therefore, it will be important to motivate them to play sports as an effective way to manage their negative energies, so you will see that their bad behaviors will diminish.
Never forget to talk a lot with your child to find out what is happening to him and so that he learns to manage his emotions in a healthy way. And always remember: no matter how difficult a child is, never stop talking nice to her.