Fernando has just changed school and is having trouble making new friends. Is the same thing happening to you with your son? So I invite you to read how to help you solve this little problem.
Fernando has just entered his new school. As is normal, he is scared, he does not know anyone and his shyness has prevented him from making new friends. When he gets home, his mother greets him enthusiastically and asks how he has been doing. A little quiet and crestfallen, he replies that he has no friends. So he has chosen to start playing alone or go to the library, as everyone seems interested in his old friendships and he has become almost invisible to his new classmates.
Concerned about this situation, María, Fernando’s mother, has decided to request an appointment with the head teacher of her son’s course. She has confirmed that the child is having problems adapting to the group and that this situation has all the teachers concerned.
This case is much more common than we adults suppose. We must know that the problem lies not only in Fernando’s shyness, but also in his parents, who have set too high expectations in their social relationships. While it is true that all parents want our children to be successful in every activity they undertake, we must be realistic: friendship is a process that occurs naturally throughout the stages of life. Therefore, it must evolve as the child matures. So we must know what friendship means, according to the stage our children are in:
Although it is possible for two children to interact but develop their play in parallel, it is very important to maintain contact with their environment, as it is the opportunity they have to learn how society works. This is when you learn to take turns and share, as well as other core values that will be very helpful as you become an adult.
It is here when the years begin to deliver the tools to detect the needs of the other. Empathy develops, giving way to the creation of groups of friends that generally tend to be of the same sex.
It is during these years that we are able to build our own identity and friendship allows us to experiment with the feeling of belonging.
But then, what should little Fernando’s parents do? Here are some ideas you can take, if your child is in the same situation:
1. Respect your times and set expectations aside
They cannot pretend that in a short time Fernando will be the most popular boy in school, but they can encourage him to start reaching out to other children.
I invite you to read: Adjust your expectations, be a better mom
2. Investigate the causes that are influencing the situation
They should be attentive to any symptoms that may be showing that the isolation is not only temporary, but may be due to some more complex scenario that requires the help of a specialist.
3. Help you make first contact
Giving him a hand to start greeting or interacting with his peers is always a good thing.
You are sure to be interested in reading: Helping my daughter navigate the world of friendships
4. Strengthen your self-esteem
Point out that he is a loved child and that he has many qualities that make him a good friend is something that should not be overlooked.
Finally, I recommend you read: Healthy ego, healthy self-esteem
And finally, they must not forget to accompany, be empathetic and provide support when you feel that your efforts to adapt and break the ice are not enough. You can help your children to develop in a healthy way, for this you need to observe, be patient and make them feel all the love that they inspire you.