Many Women Don’t Have Maternal Instincts, But That Doesn’t Make Them Bad Mothers

You are a mom, and no matter what they say, your work, more than instinctive, is for love.

For centuries, being a good mother was linked to an innate capacity with which women are born. That instinct is supposed to give us all the tools a woman needs to raise happy children. But in addition to that, it is believed that it also fills us with the desire to be mothers practically since we are old enough to be. But the reality is that this is not the case.

The maternal instinct is a myth

Not all women want to be mothers, and not all women play a good role in becoming mothers; To verify this, it is not enough more than to put a news channel.

Yes, it is true that many of us have the blessing of giving life; but thematernity it is something that is learned when facing upbringing.

It is that being a mother is not something that comes in a manual, no matter how many are now on the market. With each child you have, things are different and we must learn more things; motherhood is a never ending task.

You don’t have to feel bad about despairing

This is another one of the situations we must deal with. Practically, a mother must be a saint, without the right to feel lost, overwhelmed and tired. It is as if because we are mothers we have to have an indelible smile on our faces; and in addition to that, always look perfect and tireless.

It is as if the people around us forget that we are human beings. Yes, being a mom is stressful sometimes and you don’t have to feel bad about it.

It is not pleasant not being able to sleep peacefully, when we must get up in the middle of the night to breastfeed the baby. It is not nice to hear our son cry uncontrollably without knowing what is wrong with him. It is also not pleasant to have a sick child and not being able to do anything to help her. You also lose patience when he is not behaving well at school and they call you at home to give you the report; And yes, you also want to leave everything behind and go away to escape all that.

It’s true, children make up for the bad things about motherhood

Not that motherhood is horrible 24/7, not at all. The children compensate with their achievements and small details as heavy as motherhood can be.

You feel happy when you see your baby’s progress, when he responds to your gazes and smiles at you. It’s cute when he says “mom” or “I love you” and hugs you with his little arms. When they highlight his achievements in school, or you realize that he learned to fend for himself in many aspects and that it is due to your teachings. That is the most beautiful part of being a mom.

Indeed, being a mother is not 100% tremendous; But do not think that everything is “love and peace”, cute and tender “, you would be believing a lie.

Unrealistic expectations and weight on your role

We clearly know the burden unrealistic expectations can put on a woman. Many people assume that it is nothing more than holding a baby in your arms so that you want to be a mother and that you do everything well.

Moreover, it often happens that when a child makes a mistake, he fails socially and ends up committing crimes; the first accused of these errors are us. The recriminating looks of society that accuse us of not having done a good job as mothers fall on our shoulders, when the children are directly responsible for their actions due to their decisions.

As well as whether they achieve great success or not, all those events are the source of their own choices and not always of nurture. Yes, behind that son or daughter, there is a mother, but at the end of the day it is a human being as full of qualities or defects as anyone.

The science of maternal instinct

Recently there was a controversy about A study which concluded that mothers tend to gather their young. It specifically said that maternal instincts are what make a mother act as he is supposed to, but there was a problem: it was carried out with rodents and we are primates.

The situation, as explained by the psychologist Darcy Lockman ,is that we human beings don’t really have instincts. This is due to the very development of our brain and evolution. But it is also that we do not need instincts to survive; we have adapted and much of what we do, including parenting, is learned.

So even science confirms it: women are not born with a maternal instinct.

Our mistake

The mistake we make as mothers is that many of us want to meet the expectations that society supposes we must embrace. We wish with monumental force not to make mistakes, to do and to know everything so that the children do not lack anything. Moreover, it is due to the opinion of others that we demand more of ourselves, when in reality the children neither want, nor ask, nor need so much.

As mothers we go so far as to make a ridiculous amount of sacrifices and concessions, to the point where we forget ourselves. We forget that our children look at us very closely, and that much of what they learn they do it through the example we set.

If we are to blame for something, it is to forget that we are human beings, that we are women with rights and thoughts of our own. We reach a point of forgetting that if we are unhappy our children will be unhappy as a consequence of our actions.

Yes, because if we are happy and we care about we ,we will also worry about our children. Think that if our children succeed or fail in the long run it will be as much because of the decisions we make, as well as what we do with our lives.

Being a mother is not an easy task, nor is it born with us. However, if we insist on learning and enjoying the fact, if we grow and correct the failures, surely we will do a good job with which we are satisfied.

Let’s forget the social pressure, what our family, friends and neighbors will say if we do this or that, or if we do not follow their well-intentioned advice. Let’s try our best and love our kids as much as possible. Let’s not feel motherhood as an obligation because that’s the problem, let’s just enjoy growing up with our children.

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