“Mother, I believe that if there is more divine justice in this world, both you and I should be executed.” Harsh words that lead us all to reflect.
The letter was posted on Facebook, with an introduction stating that its author was a prisoner sentenced to death for his crimes. Presumably, his last wish was a pencil and paper to write one last letter to his mother.
Contrary to what we can all imagine would be the words that this man would choose for his mother as a farewell, the letter is a claim for the poor upbringing that his mother gave him. In it, he makes her partially responsible for the man he became.
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Although we are not sure that the events took place exactly as published on the social network, the words of the letter call us to an important reflection as parents:
Mother, I believe that if there is more justice in this world, both you and I should be executed.
You are as guilty as I am of my miserable life!
Do you remember mother, when I brought home that bicycle that I took from another child like me? You helped me hide it so my father wouldn’t find out.
Do you remember mother, when I stole the money from the neighbor’s wallet? You went to the mall with me and we spent it together.
Do you remember mother, when you kicked my father out of the house? He only wanted to correct me for stealing my final grade exam and as a result they expelled me.
Mother, I was a child, then I was a teenager and now a poorly formed man.
He was just an innocent child who needed correction, and not consent. I forgive you, and I only ask you to send this reflection to all the parents in the world who know that they are the only ones responsible for educating a decent man or a common criminal.
Thank you mother for giving me life, and thank you also for helping me lose it.
Your son, the criminal
Consent vs training, a mistake that can cost your children’s lives
There is a fine line that divides both concepts and it is very easy to make mistakes when we raise our children.
Although the example in the letter is a bit extreme, and most of us could agree that we would not become the accomplices of our children if they did something wrong like stealing a bicycle, it does not take such extreme to be wrong As parents.
They are learning to be your children in the same way that you are learning to be their mother or father.
Something that not many of us take into account is that children are always trying to explore and modify their limits. If we said nothing more up to here, they are going to try to move that rule, twist it or see how far they can push you.
This is almost instinctive, and it is up to us to know when to say no, when to correct, and when to let them face the consequence of their bad choices.
According to The Mother Company, children cannot know for sure when a ‘no’ is a ‘no’ or when it can turn into a yes, unless the boundaries are one hundred percent clear and firm.
There are three types of frustrations that every child must grow up with in order to function as adults:
They must learn to tolerate disappointment
They must learn to tolerate frustration
They must learn to tolerate delays in rewards
The only possible way that we have as parents to make our children learn these three fundamental emotions in children’s lives, is by saying NO and not changing this answer for their tantrums.
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Lack of time, frustrations as adults, and lack of energy to deal with our children’s tantrums after a long day at work, drive us to give up on the limits we have put on them, thus helping them to become ‘ little monsters’.
They do NOT help them understand that in life they are going to have disappointments, that the things that cost are those that are worthwhile, that disappointments are part of life and that if there is no money to ‘buy a bicycle’ now, The only way to acquire it is by working for it.
They are NOT going to help you to know that life will be full of frustrations, disappointments and things that simply will not be possible for us. They will NOT teach them that sometimes good rewards are made to wait and that we cannot have everything we want when we want it.
It is essential that we teach them from a young age that the good things and choices they make in their life will have a positive reward, while the bad things (such as stealing money from the neighbor’s wallet) will have bad consequences that they do have to face.