Stop, look him in the eye, connect with his emotions. Today more than ever you have the possibility to do it. Tomorrow will be late.
When you are a parent, the responsibilities are too many. Both the needs of the home, the economic ones, those of the children, and even the personal ones overwhelm you. But it is a reality that almost in most cases, unfortunately, the last need we attend to is that of our children for connection.
No, I am not talking about an internet connection. I’m talking about the need for little ones to connect with another human being. With an adult with whom you feel content, protected. And what better than with his father and mother figures.
It is essential for their emotional development, since living with you ensures their bond. This bonding will give you a sense of love, security, and will also teach you to relate to others. However, adults do not have the facility toconnect uswith the kids. Much less in these times that we are so connected to our electronic devices.
Here are some ideas for bonding with your children. Worth the effort.
1 Get involved with their tastes
Early on, children show interests. Sometimes they surprise with tastes that the family has, and you see that there are things that seem to be inherited. Others have nothing to do with it, and there is no logical explanation for their tastes. Be that as it may, children have particular interests, many are not shared.
It is important to be able to enter your world. Understand their tastes, passions, give full and absolute attention. Sometimes it is difficult, since they are names and things that seem insignificant, banal, even boring. For them to share with us what is important, what is transcendent later, it is important to first establish the initial trust, the thread that joins in order to achieve the connection.
2 Involve it in your tastes
It is also true that children often do not understand the activities of their parents. Their ways of being, thinking, or doing. Sometimes a passion, hobbies, or the music you listen to could help your children understand a little more about who you are. They can also give them elements and resources to try to explain their world, their emotions, their experiences. In addition to this, it could happen that they suddenly share a taste, and agree on this. May it also become something to share.
3 Listen to them
Many times when they leave school or we come home, we have a meeting and we ask how are you? Yet sometimes in that stereotypical conversational dialogue, we don’t really stop to hear the answer. Do not we look at his eyes, nor their faces to see how they are, to know what happens to them at this moment, what happened to them in the day, how they feel, what they live, what they think about what is happening around them.
And sometimes, when a few words appear, we quickly begin with a vomit of words and an immediate sermon, with rhetoric of what “should be”. The invitation is: stop. Do not speak. Ask, listen. Understands. Empathize with your little one, remember what it was like to be that age. Imagine what it would be like to live what it tells you, or a similar situation. Accompany him. Even ask thoughtful questions that lead to possible solutions and answers.
4 Talk to them
We come home from work, sometimes exhausted, stressed because something worrisome happened. And when greeting the little ones, they find us listless, without energy, even with a stern face. And they only feel one thing: rejection. They are small, and they cannot imagine that it has nothing to do with anything other than them.
They think that they are cause and effect. So, have you considered the possibility of explaining to him, very adapted to his age, what is happening to you? They are very empathetic and understanding. They have a total capacity to love, without as many defenses and hardening of the heart as adults. You will find that they can even give you a wise phrase, or an answer that makes you laugh. Perhaps an understanding kiss that soothes your soul. But then, for both of them, things will feel like they are going better.
5 Literary gathering or cinephile gathering
The wonder of books is that an author’s ideas can bring to the table topics that connect us with those around us. Being able to read a story together, or watch a movie, could be an excuse to have a conversation piece. Analyzing the situation, the characters, and the narrative of a story can be a way to have something to talk about with your children, share moments together, and get to know each other more. Knowing if they have experienced similar situations, what they would advise the character, or what they think of what they did, can give them a lot to talk about.
6 Activities together
Board games, dancing, singing karaoke, cooking, a special sleepover in the garden, or the living room. This doing different things together is looking at each other’s eyes, faces, admiring each other, laughing out loud. These are the moments that give flavor, and priceless memories to the family.
7 review the past
Looking at a family album, videos from before, even talking to them about events they can’t remember because they were too small when they happened. Always keep an eye on the past renews the present. Endorse links, give insights. They help to look at the path of time more broadly, which has a special magic. Let yourself be trapped by it.
8 Plan the future
We often talk about this with other adults. With the couple, for example, we talk about the next purchase, the next trip. Of how we imagine or wish the future. Even what problems have to be solved. But seldom, if ever, are children involved in these discussions. This does not mean that we give them the baton. Simply that listening to them many times generates new, fresh ideas that can give an interesting twist to family projects.
9 Stop for a moment in a look, in a hug
Between the running of the routine, or in this historical silence of isolating ourselves by the virus that threatens, I invite you to out of nowhere, stop and look him in the eye. You look at his face, his face. That you stop to take his hand, or hug him long. To simply connect in an instant. Reinforce and endorse love.
These are just a few ideas. Do you have any others to share with us?