It is possible to get your marriage back and have a totally enjoyable relationship again, if both of you cooperate to make it possible.
Rebuilding the marriage after a situation as painful as infidelity requires a lot of love and courage on the part of both of you, especially on your part, if you have been the injured person. Remember that there are multiple factors that contribute to infidelity, for this reason I always recommend starting couples therapy to make adjustments and start a new marriage contract. Working on your personal emotions allows you to calm pain, reduce fears and not give rise to feelings of hatred or revenge.
Forgiving a wound of this type requires a series of phases that I have discussed in another article: ” How to forgive a betrayal of love “. Do not forget that forgiveness is a process, do not feel bad if you cannot develop this feeling immediately.
It is possible to recover your marriage and have a totally pleasant relationship again,
if both can cooperate to make this possible. According to research by Van Leeuwen and Rokx, 35% of couples manage to survive infidelity, and even achieve success without therapeutic help.
Couples specialists Olson, Russell, Higgins-Kessler and Miller have identified the following phases in the restoration process:
Roller coaster phase. You know very well what I am talking about: it is that stage when they live discussing the subject and life becomes a real chaos.
Moratorium phase, in which both try to reflect on what happened and begin to want to do something.
Building trust is perhaps the most desired stage but also the most difficult because rebuilding trust leads to giving oneself opportunities and accepting responsibility for what happened.
Starting to live after an infidelity is not easy, but it is possible, if you avoid passivity and take action:
If you identify that you are in the roller coaster phase
Put a stop to your desires to blame and scream Don’t let anger rob you of love. Accept your emotions. Perhaps because of your values, you fear experiencing certain feelings, but they are necessary. Can people of faith feel certain emotions? The answer is a resounding yes. Do not defend yourself from your emotions, they are an indicator that the relationship still matters to you. On the other hand, do not fall into that morbid desire to know the details to the extreme: where did they meet? Where were they? What were they doing specifically? Those questions do not lead you to anything other than pain and the desire to run away from the other party. Knowing certain details is not going to ease your pain.
If you are in the moratorium phase
Determine to reflect on the circumstances surrounding the infidelity. If this phase occurs together, it contributes much more to achieving forgiveness and restoration. A very important step is to put aside doubts such as “What will the other person have?”, “Why did it happen?” and leave room for reflection on those things that need to change to improve the marriage. Under no circumstances disqualify the unfaithful, yearn for revenge or wish him all the evil possible. Sitting down to discuss what happened in an assertive way contributes to the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.
In this phase it is essential to renew the commitment of love and improve the quality of communication, as well as letting forgiveness flood the relationship. Put aside suspicions and do not check your agenda, your cell phone, smell your clothes or look at the clock insistently. The relationship is rebuilt when you put all your trust in yourself and your partner. Please stop comparing yourself with the third person, do not seek to dress, act, think the same as her, that makes the relationship unpleasant and is to make that person present in the marriage bond.
You cannot build a renewed marriage idly, it is important that you start to act at each phase. Only true love is capable of moving mountains.