Exercising your authority effectively has more positive consequences than you think
You are mom. The normal thing, or the same, is that your children obey you, right? But contrary to what we would like, with every child does not come an automatic button that makes them respond “yes mom,” “yes dad,” and gets their immediate attention and action when we ask for something.
The complaint that children do not obey, unfortunately, is very common. And it’s also common to feel overwhelmed about it. Has it happened to you?
Next, I will share with you a series of reflections to get to the cause of the problem. Why don’t our children obey? I will share with you some guidelines to improve our handling of authority.
No they won’t obey you just for being their mom or dad
The Spanish philosopher and educator Carlos Goñi Zubieta, we suggeststogether with his wife some basic points to answer the first question: Why don’t our children obey? I share them:
1 Authority is not legitimized by the person who exercises it, but by how they exercise it
In this regard, Dr. Goñi tells us that – contrary to what we would like – it takes something more than being an authority figure, to be able to be obeyed.
If our actions build, are consistent, and have an educational purpose, they will have a positive impact on the lives of our children. But if we are making mistakes in handling authority, our experience as parents will be extremely frustrating.
But how do you get to exercise authority positively? For that, we need to review our parenting type in the next point.
2 Your child is already a great and beautiful work of art, admit it!
The great sculptor Michelangelo modestly stated that when he created his marvelous works of art, what he did was only “remove the excess” from the large blocks of marble that he used. If you know some of his magnificent works, you will realize his great talent, and his great humility. However, the example fits perfectly at this point and illustrates how we should educate our children.
The term “educate” comes from Latin and means “draw from within”, and according to other experts, also “guide.” Our mission as parents must be a background job. It must be a knowledge, infatuation and understanding of the great block of marble that each one of our children is, and a delicate process of chiseling, which little by little manages to “remove the excess” of what prevents our children from showing their great beauty. inside.
3 Reviewing our parenting type will largely solve the problem
Returning to the recommendations of Dr. Goñi, he considers that there are five types of parents : protectionists, deserters, permissive, authoritarian and parents with authority.
Protectionist parents do not educate or correct their children, because they are not able to see what is convenient for them (they are confused between protecting them and over protecting them). Dropout parents give up educating their children, because the work simply seems too complicated. Permissive parents believe that if they “limit” their children, they can traumatize or enslave them. The authoritarian , knowbend behaviors, but they get to be obeyed through the imposition, and not of conviction. Finally, parents with authority recognize that being obeyed is a labor of love, of service, to make their children grow.
If your child obeys you, he will grow strong
Knowing how to command is an art. This art requires – to begin with – a positive attitude of parents towards education. To achieve this positive attitude, it is necessary to understand the benefits of submitting our children to authority:
The child who obeys his parents will obey himself in the future
Why do we need our child to “obey himself”? So that it is free !, so that it can determine itself. So that faced with two desirable scenarios, you can choose the one that brings you the most growth.
The ability of our son to overcome his primary desire, his impulses, guided by his parents, and to know how to contain himself in order to be a better person, is ground gold for the lives of our children.
When we educate them to assume parental authority, not only do we make life easier for ourselves, achieving a civilized relationship and good behavior from our son; the most important thing is that we teach him to build his character.
So how do I make myself obey?
Dr. Goñi and his wife, Pilar Guembe, give us very practical advice that I write down below:
Affection and vision
He sweetieyou don’t have to be in a fight with authority. Especially because it is sent for the sake of the son, not for being a monstrous and angry ogre. Authority and education are much richer when we teach our children to seek to “behave well” to be good, to be better, -and much better-, to get to Heaven.
Seek that the orders are specific and clear. Also, try to make sense and that they are few, so that they are effective. Do not pretend to encasque your child an almost military lifestyle from the beginning, start with the most urgent, which compromises his safety, what your little one needs most urgently. Instead of suggesting, “Be nice,” say, “When we get to Grandma’s, try not to jump or step on the white chair.”
Try to live according to what you demand of your children. Sendwhatever you are willing to do too , and what you can monitor.
Obedience is also a way to improve harmony and family life. Your child obeys because it is a way of contributing to family life wherever it is. If it is clear to you that doing your homework and fulfilling your obligations is part of the harmony and growth of the family, it will be easier for you to assume the discipline.
It is also important that the orders go hand in hand with the age and lifestyle of our children. You can’t ask a 3-year-old to sweep her room, but you can ask her to gather her toys.
Orders should not be carried out “just because . ” Your child is a person, he has the right to know the meaning and need of the indication he receives. Obviously, always according to their age.
Persevering in the goals and directions we give our children will give them security and consistency.
It is different to give an order to our children when it is late and they have had a bad day, to tell them what to do when they are calm and relaxed. Also, if we ask you for something when you meet a friend, it will be more difficult to achieve compliance.
We command because we love. That conviction will give us security
It is important that parents agree on what will be asked of their children. In this way, neither will diminish the authority of the other and the children will not have a crack from which to escape to obey.
How do you see these tips? Which one would you add to your personal list?