I Don’t Want To Live Anymore … The Life I Live

Depression can be the cause of a divorce, a long illness that makes a whole family sick, and it can even be the cause of suicide.

I share a page of the story of my life. From when I was on the brink of death and madness from depression and panic attacks, and how with the help of my family and certain situations I was able to get ahead. I hope it helps you.

I was observing the people who were with me in that sad waiting room: a very dirty lady, who I heard said was taken from a garbage dump, and a young man who asked me to buy him a cake and gave me something to choose from an empty box. I thought: how did I end up in a mental hospital?

In the last 15 days, my family had called the emergency room several times, due to my panic attacks, I fainted, my chest closed, I cried incessantly, I felt like dying. Doctors came, medicated me and said I needed to be treated. My family explained to them that I was going through very hard times: I found my mother dead in her house, victim of a sudden heart attack; my daughter who suffers from severe heart disease became pregnant and was in danger of death, our finances were terrible and the doctors said that in my state I needed help.

But that day as I felt very bad, I self-medicated, instead of one pill I took two, I just wanted to sleep, after a few hours I was still feeling very bad and did not remember if I had taken one or two pills, so I took two more, slept a while and I woke up worse, I was very stunned, I wanted to continue sleeping so I took the blister and I think I have taken three or more. The next thing I remember is my husband and children around me again with a doctor.

But this time the doctor said “I can’t leave her at home for her safety. We have already come several times, a depression is very difficult to overcome and now this may be a suicide attempt, we have to transfer her to the psychiatric hospital and let them decide there. ” There I was, waiting for the doctor to see me and decide; I asked my husband: “Don’t let them leave me in this place, I’m going to go crazy here.” He told me “don’t worry, they will help you and I will not leave you here.”

Finally a doctor called me, and began to ask questions about my life, but more about the latest events that had led me to be like this.

He looked at me, I would say with pity and he said: don’t want to live anymore? I looked at her and with pain I replied: “I don’t want to live the life I live anymore. I think he was happy for my answer and told me that he could not leave me hospitalized, that this would make me worse and he also considered that I was very strong because I was going through things that other people would not bear. “I trust that you will overcome what is coming” she said, and she extended her hand and wished me luck.

Seek strength from on High

That experience set my faith in motion. I left embracing my husband and asking God not to allow anything to happen to my daughter or her baby and that I could be of help and not a hindrance.

Surround yourself with family love and support

One night my husband entered the room that was my bunker, there I spent my day, I just wanted to sleep and cry, but he told me very happily, “They have just announced on the news that a course is starting for older women who want to do a career. and they find them work “with a smile he added” I wrote down the data. Tomorrow we go and you sign up. ” I asked him if he was crazy, that in my state I could not leave my room or think about studying, which I also had not done since I left high school to go to work for more than 30 years. He told me “You are smart, you can.” My children came in saying, “You will see that it will do you good,” I kept thinking they were all crazy.

The next day I didn’t even remember, but my husband did and he took me to the institute. The sun bothered me from so much confinement. At the insistence of my husband, I signed up for a shortlist, they told me that those who selected would be called for another instance in a few days. I arrived at my house, and while my family was already celebrating, I told myself that they were not going to call me.

Studying, working, and having responsibilities are key to getting ahead for people with depression. You must regain hope and give your life meaning.

To my surprise they called me for an evaluation, I went but without expectations because there were many people, few places and I did not feel qualified, I spoke with women who, like me, were in difficult situations, and my gaze towards that course changed. They told me that in a few days they would call the selected ones. I left there with expectations, I felt different and wanted to be called, everyone encouraged me and told me that they would call me and I wanted them not to be wrong. What a joy when they called me! I laughed as I had not in a long time, I hugged myself with my children and husband and that is how my blessed course began.

Routine and leisure are bad companions. Radical change helps and strengthens

I was eager, I learned a lot, the course gave me strength to go through what we had to go through with my daughter and my granddaughter, which was very hard but with a beautiful ending and when I finished the course, it was with an unexpected harvest, with the treasure of new friends I made.

Work dignifies

I also had the satisfaction of having obtained so many jobs that I could afford to choose. At my age and with a resume with a gap for many years, but now I was a proud grandmother and a highly valued professional.

You can get out of any situation you find yourself in. Do not give up and with the support of family and friends, and finding meaning and purpose in life, everything can be achieved.

Now, thanks to the support of my beloved family and to God I can say I WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE I LIVE FOR A LONG TIME.

Share this article if you know someone who is in a similar situation of depression, frustration or panic attacks.

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