Helpful tips to deal with a divorce without affecting the children.
Divorces have increased alarmingly in our society, breaking the family nucleus and generating a series of conflicts in adults and children. All members of each family that disintegrates will undoubtedly be affected by the situation. In this circumstance, it is very common for feelings such as anger, frustration, sadness, insecurity and fear to appear. It is normal to experience all this, because it is a strong loss that generates considerable changes in life.
On many occasions, it is not known how to face this situation, and the members of the couple can get into a relentless fight for the custody of the children, the distribution of property, money, and so on. In a poorly handled divorce, children are the most affected, because they lack the necessary tools to deal with the loss of their family. But it can be even worse if, coupled with this, whoever remains in the care of the little ones begins a smear campaign against the father or mother, trying to make the children stop loving him, and preventing visits and phone calls . There are even cases in which they can accuse the father or the mother of committing a crime, in order to break the bond with the children without thinking that they are the first victims of their resentment.
All this can lead to small behaviors such as, for example, throwing tantrums, decreasing school performance, isolating themselves from their peers at school, language delays, regressions to stages already overcome, such as wetting the bed or taking up objects transitional (like the typical blanket), to name a few of the common symptoms. If you are going through a situation like this or you know someone who is involved in it, I share some useful recommendations:
Parents get divorced, children don’t. The couple’s relationship ends, but the bond with the children does not. They will have to learn to get along with the ex-partner for the sake of the children; It is true, it is not easy, but it is not impossible either.
Seek help from a professional. Psychological support at this time is very useful to help overcome the loss process that is taking place, and understand that it is possible to be good parents without living under the same roof.
Choose your lawyer well. Unfortunately there are unscrupulous people who profit from the pain of people going through a divorce, and in order to “win” they suggest their clients do negative things against their ex-partner as revenge; But that will only leave more resentment and damage to the little ones who are involved.
Children need a family to grow up healthy. It is important that the little ones maintain frequent contact with the extended family of mom and dad. Grandparents, uncles, cousins, and other family members help children develop as healthy as possible.
Do not speak ill of the father or mother who is not present, or allow others to do so. As I mentioned before, it is very common for one of the parents to speak ill of the other in the midst of problems; That, beyond hurting the ex-partner, affects the child, putting him in a very uncomfortable situation, because the little one is going through a difficult time seeing his family disintegrate; When you don’t have to be in the middle of an adult problem and are forced to choose a parent, it is not healthy at all. It is also important that you prevent other people close to you from doing so, no matter how angry they are with the former partner.
The well-being of the little ones must be put before the grudges and frustrations of the adults, in order to make them feel loved and protected by their parents, even if they are no longer together. There will always be differences, but in the end you can reach good agreements and continue in a healthy relationship by and for the children.