Family upbringing and parenting patterns have evolved over the decades, spanning several generations. Find out if you stayed in the past or are immersed in positive changes.
Since I was born in 1964, being the penultimate of twelve siblings, I have always lived with many children, under the old upbringing patterns of my family, which is quite extensive. I attended both mixed and private federal schools, just for girls where, even today, the educational methods they use are very unique.
On the other hand, I have observed different ways in which we adults transfer our culture, education and customs to our children. Finally, for some decades I have professionally studied psychology and education in various currents and theories. All this has led me to make some reflections on parenting, which I now want to share with you:
During the sixties, an education with a high moral content prevailed in families; parents based their principles on the idea that home schooling should be taught as they lived it with their parents. They were convinced that if they were harshly rebuked, they should also do the same with their children. In general, there was little or no communication and the children did not have the opportunity to express opinions, wishes or requests; Autocratic patriarchy reigned, while schools handled rigidity and discipline as a harsh way of controlling and modifying the behavior and even the nature of the individual. If a child was left-handed, for example, they tied his hand to force him to be right-handed, to correct the “mistake.” Hence, probably when we hear the word “discipline”, a scene of tyranny and oppression immediately comes to mind.
From the eighties, some ideas began to change. The world was opened to a series of theories, there was more information and better results in school and family education. The promotion of “teaching-learning methods” caused great impact: some of these methodologies are based on the reflection of how the learner acquires knowledge. Some others take “behavior” as the main measure to know if the learner reached the goal or not.
Since the beginning of the 21st century, some behavioral professionals have paid greater attention to the individual development of the human being in all its areas and stages, from gestation. They detract from the methods and techniques themselves and elevate the importance of the particularities of each person: their interests, abilities and unique abilities. From this, important theories emerge, however, I would like to point out here the differences between two of these theories:
Meaningful learning, according to David Ausubel
This author points out that, in order for the individual to have new knowledge, one must start from previously acquired knowledge, linking them in a “meaningful” way. That is, they express a personal symbolism in which they have the opportunity to actively experiment, involving all the senses and positive emotions. For example, for a child to learn the multiplication tables, they must start from what they already know in relation to numbers, and create colorful and creative materials. In this way, learning will gain personal importance for the child. This process can also be given through songs that involve movements, games, educational activities, where only abstract memorization is not used.
From an educational perspective, this refers to skills focused on “knowing how to do”; which seeks to promote the development of competitive skills in the person, which allow them to act efficiently and effectively. These activities include four types of content: conceptual (knowing how to know), procedural (knowing how to do), attitudinal (knowing how to be) and values (knowing how to live together).
The harmony between these two positions is achieved thanks to the way in which you, as a mother, guide your children’s learning. Here are some guidelines that can help you on a daily basis so that you have excellent results:
Recognize skills and attitudes
Learn to value the skills that your child masters naturally. Likewise, it recognizes the outstanding points of their behavior.
Learn to set goals
in your life and teach your child to do the same. Work together to achieve them, always giving each other words of encouragement, of empowerment. Be generous in the use of phrases like: “You can”, “You are a champion”, “You are going to make it”, “I believe in you”, “We are in this together”, and so on.
These can be a resource to incentivize action. The stimulus is that which has the capacity to produce a response; For some theories, it is linked to the learning process. Children require approval from the people to whom they are emotionally linked, so it is important that you give encouragement and security to their identity; Recognize her as a capable person and responsible for her success from the earliest age.
Use other resources
Music, good humor, games, dynamism, develop imagination and creativity; These help to put into practice good coexistence and an affectionate environment.
Take care of your attitudes
Negative attitudes make a person defeatist, while positive attitudes develop the character of a successful person; they are learned and executed with persistence. Do not forget that your children will learn from what they see in you more than what you say.
Discipline does not have to be tyranny and oppression. It can be an ongoing way to help your child’s development, following a specific progressive order. This must be aimed at helping him achieve optimal results in his life. The main ingredient is love, with a mixture of patience and good will.