If you have doubts that the love of a couple can be transformed into a beautiful friendship, I invite you to read this.
There are those for whom talking about friendship after the courtship is practically inconceivable. Because we live in a society that instills love as a feeling based on belonging and control, it is that most ex-partners consider it impossible to establish a friendship.
Thinking about the possibility of looking at that man or woman who was loved so much, with whom so much was lived and shared, is complex when mutual trust and respect are broken. Certainly, those love relationships in which they forgot to nurture fidelity, loyalty and respect as people rather than as a couple, are the ones that are difficult to rescue.
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However, those relationships in which both remained faithful, loyal and trustworthy – regardless of whether the couple did not work out – have a much better chance of continuing as friends. This is because both good friendship and sincere love are based on the three values mentioned above.
While it is true that most love relationships end with a total estrangement between the couple, it is also true that this happens because we have not learned the art of having healthy and happy relationships. Learning to love with respect and freedom, learning to let go of people and learning to channel -positively- our feelings for them, are the first step towards a beneficial and productive relationship.
Now, if you are interested in reaching good terms with that person whom you loved so much, but with whom you can no longer continue, I share five tips to achieve a friendship with him or her after their courtship:
1. Respect each other before, during and after the courtship
Any love relationship that manages to lead to friendship, ultimately derives from the mutual respect that existed between people before, during and at the end of the relationship. That is, if from the beginning you and your partner made an effort to respect each other despite your differences, you can be sure that when your courtship ends, you will have excellent things to rescue through a friendship.
As two people who appreciated each other and probably continue to appreciate each other, it is important that you both respect your separate decisions and lives.
2. Forgive the mistakes both of you made in the relationship.
Neither you nor your partner are perfect, so it is certain that both of you have made mistakes throughout your relationship. And this is normal. Whether they weren’t patient enough, tolerant, thoughtful, or loving enough, the point is that they both made the determining mistakes to end what they had.
However, acknowledging your own mistakes and forgiving those of the other person will bring you closer to the possibility of ending your relationship in peace and, thus, giving rise to a true friendship.
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3. Don’t blame each other
Guilt is a hindrance in anyone’s life. Above all, in the lives of two beings who -like you and your partner- really loved each other but can no longer stay together. So don’t blame each other for issues or shortcomings that you both had.
While it is true that, perhaps, one of you had more responsibility for the relationship ending, it is not worth wasting your time on such negative aspects for yourself.
4. Keep the best memories
If your relationship had more good moments than bad, I invite you to stay with them. Treasure them as part of your learning and go through this life. Thank your ex for these memories and take them as the basis of a beautiful friendship that both of you can start.
5. Rescue the common points you have and cement your friendship
Finally, when ending your relationship, reflect on those common goals, beliefs, and aspects that – at the time – led you to fall in love with your ex. Think about how those points of agreement between you positively influenced your life and rescue them so that, if you both wish, you will give yourself the opportunity to see that friendship feels much better than love as a couple.
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