Some young children show affection through kisses. But there are limits to it
Children from a very young age know the world through touch. It is not uncommon then that they show their affection through kisses, caresses, hugs and contacts (and even sometimes, biting). According to experts, children who kiss and hug everyone should know that there is a limit to it.
It is very cute when the little ones are affectionate. We love that our children fill us with hugs and kisses. But what happens when those kisses and hugs are distributed everywhere, to any person or friend from the nursery? Almost without asking, there they go, with their kisses (sometimes on the mouth) and their hugs of tenderness, without realizing that sometimes they are not respecting each other’s space. And that is something that parents must teach.
According to Fatherly, and according to family therapist Dolan Del Vecchio, it is parents who have to shape children’s behavior and teach them to respect each other, and make them understand that kisses and hugs, no matter how beautiful they are demonstrations of affection, should not always be given at any time, place, much less to anyone without asking. The therapist says “Many parents do not respect their child’s own physical boundaries, much less the physical boundaries between husband and wife. Parents need to have an idea of their own reasonable boundaries with each other, with other adults, and with their children, because if they don’t their children are going to do whatever they do.
That is, if you are to take your son by force to kiss him and hug him, even if he screams that he does not want to, then he or she can replicate that behavior with his classmates or classmates from school.
Ask permission before the demonstration
Del Vechio wants to make it clear that, when a child has not yet mastered language, it is normal for children to grab others and hug and need to be grabbed and hugged by their parents, but as they grow older, it is the parents who through language must explain to your children that not all friends want to be kissed profusely.
It is okay for parents to encourage their child to hug a preschool friend when meeting or leaving school as a welcome and farewell greeting. It’s also okay to encourage a child to ask questions before hugging and kissing the friend. But the therapist explains that what is also important is that the child understands that the problem is not in the affect, but in not asking permission.
What must be achieved is balance. In other words, make the child understand that showing affection is fine, since it is a value in friendship, but that respect for the other, their body and their personal space is essential.
On the other hand, teaching children not to be overly affectionate and demonstrative with anyone protects them from the dangers of giving too much confidence to a stranger. Also, the therapist recommends teaching children about the proper names of body parts, as well as the privacy of intimate areas and that no one should touch them under any point of view.
How to teach an overly loving child
Model good personal boundaries as well as physical boundaries with friends and other family members.
Do not react to boundary violations with anger but with sanity
Remind children that it is important to ask before hugging and kissing someone, and that it is about respect.
Be attentive to the teaching of the danger of kissing strangers and
Help children understand who to talk to if touched inappropriately.
And the other way around, too
Just as we teach our children not to be excessively affectionate and demonstrative with their friends or strangers, it is essential that parents create awareness about how many times children feel obliged to greet people they do not want.
It is very common for parents to tell their children “Say hello to uncle” “Give grandpa a hug.” And it often happens that many times the child does not want to, and parents force our children to do so. This leaves a double hidden message, since the child is learning that she does not own her body and that an adult can tell her what to do and who to kiss. It is not about instilling bad manners, but about respecting the child’s will and listening to his inner voice that tells him that for some reason he does not want to kiss that adult.