When we allow children to grow up rooted in the family, we enable their early departure from home.
Let’s take responsibility
When one of the children is lost behind drugs, gangs, or dropping out of education, bad friendships, influences, or rebellion of the young person are often blamed, and it is partly true, but the other side of the truth is omitted , which is the responsibility of parents to know how to retain them.
Years ago, I was consulted to help a family whose son had been using and abusing illegal drugs, my role was to guide the parents in the educational aspect of the young person, that is, to help him regain control of the school through me Professional Help.
While I was attending the sessions, which were at home, since the young man still did not have permission to go out alone, it caught my attention that the mother was present at each session, although it was not a therapeutic session but rather an academic one, not it bothered me at all. But my curiosity led me to ask her why, so she explained: “Her son had just been admitted to a rehabilitation site; When leaving, the therapist told the mother that when she got home she should turn off the television, and both should do housework or any other activity together.
What the specialist expected from this was that mother and son would spend time together talking and taking an interest in each other.
I never forgot that experience.
Over the months the young man was able to attend the sessions with me on his own, and he looked radiant and happy. The mother knew how to understand her responsibility and broke with the scheme of silence or non-communication, faced her own fears, and saved her son from the scourge of drugs.
Time, the best investment for children
It can happen to all of us, and I say this as the mother of an adolescent, with whom I can never lower my arms, always attentive to his emotional changes or decisions, it is a 24-hour-a-day job, and nevertheless, some things I leave go through the exhaustion of the day, but then I know I can’t expect the same result.
Today’s life leads many parents to work more hours than necessary, being absent from home for many hours, causing their children to grow up alone, in front of a virtual partner such as the internet, YouTube etc., in other cases the lack of one of the parents unbalances the weight of responsibilities by carrying more on the shoulders of the mother or the father alone.
In this way I could go on to list various reasons why children little by little prefer to be on the streets and “look there”, and wrongly, what is not in the home.
Time is the most appropriate response to keep children within the walls and protection of the home. The amount of time does not matter, but the quality.
When I worked for a high school, and the parents came desperate to ask for help because their children were on the wrong track, I would simply say “quit your second job” and give them the time they need.
I am currently reading a book called “The 5 Languages of Love in Young People” by Gary Chapman, when my son saw it on the table, he laughed and said, “This is for me”, expression that I could not deny.
The interesting thing about the book is that it explains very well the causes or reasons why in these times it is difficult for us to connect with young people. The objective of his book is to show the 5 ways in which today’s young people express and receive love, to later identify them in our own children.
Although it has not yet reached the end, I would like to share the initial analysis that the author performs, which will serve as an initial tool.
He considers that despite the differences in time between parents and children are abysmal, even so there are similarities such as: the physical and emotional growth of adolescence is given to everyone equally, the beginning of adolescence always implied the beginning of abstract and logical thinking, as is the age of values, goals and morals. As in the past, at this age we all wonder about what will be done in the future in a professional and family way.
Now the differences, which according to the author, are important to consider, because turning them on will help us better recognize the emotions of our teenage children and their way of showing love.
Technological advancement is number one, can you imagine that I got to watch black and white television, I went through the color television, local channels, cable and I got there because technology surpassed me. But for our children nothing is impossible, everything is at the level of their hands.
As a consequence of technological advancement, young people have immediate access to violence, things happen and in less than a minute, everyone literally knows it. But as an act of satisfaction, the networks, news or youtubers love to show violence in an explicit and obsessed way. Not to mention the numerous films that can be downloaded to the networks in which they present an apology for crime, sending the wrong and wrong messages.
The division of the family, or new forms of family, have become a new reality, creating role confusion, something that can be accommodated according to the author, but will take time. For him, the family is and will continue to be the cell of society.
As young people are exposed to technology, they are more exposed to images and sexual content, than any time in the history of the world, creating situations of expectations out of reality in terms of intimacy between the couple.
The list of values and the concept of morality has been changing drastically in recent years, turning today’s young people into people totally disinterested in caring for each other or for the planet.
Undoubtedly, we lose our children at home, slowly without realizing it, unless we allow it, I firmly believe that every father or mother has the power to keep children within the home, as well as I believe that knowing the The way they express love is the fundamental key to opening the heart of any human being. So if you are interested, I invite you to look for Part 2 of this article that will be published soon and discover how your child loves.