The moment when the children grow up and must have their own life, it is usually the moment when mom transforms into the Boogeymom, the true monster that hides at home. Identify the symptoms and do not let the evil rub off on you.
I understand that women are the ones who bring our children into the world, we carry them for nine months in the womb, we breastfeed them, we are left with the scars of motherhood, who will never sleep in the same way again after being mothers and that we will be mothers forever, even when the children reach adulthood.
We must, however, establish a difference: it is one thing for us to be mothers forever and another for them to be our eternal children. Accepting that they have grown up and that they have the obligation, the need and the responsibility to make their own decisions and form their own families is also a requirement that we must fully comply with in our maternal task.
Where am I going with all this? To urge those women who, when the time comes for their children to fly with their own wings, cry out to heaven and even threaten that if they leave home they will never return, and I want to ask them to please stop doing so.
Have you ever thought about the damage you do to them? How are you preparing them for failure with those attitudes? Do you need clues as to which mothers I mean? Check below the profiles of the typical moms who do not accept that the baby has grown:
1. Threaten them: if they leave home they will not be able to return
This is not a story: I imagine that you and I have witnessed this type of attitude, where it took time for the doors of the house to open again and beyond the damage in the relationship, the person in question ended up depressed , because he felt that he had made a huge mistake when leaving the maternal home.
2. Anticipate that they will go wrong for that decision
The arguments are “how difficult life is”, the amount of commitments that are made, especially financial and that will have to face, and that will show that life will not be as forgiving as Mom and Dad.
3. Tell them they are not capable of succeeding
This goes very hand in hand with the previous one, and what it is about is to scare them so that they do not want to risk and stay under the mother’s wing.
4. Negatively judge everything they do
For this they do not need to leave the house, it is even more feasible that they do it while living under the same roof, but like the rest of the points mentioned, the idea is to reduce trust so that they feel they need the care and protection of parents.
5. Treating them badly, or stop treating them just because they decided to leave home
Do you think something like this is not possible? Yes it is: attacking them as if they have failed you, as if they should apologize for wanting to have their own life, is one of the most recurrent blackmails in a desperate attempt not to leave us.
6. Do not encourage them to have their own assets …
… And, on the contrary, pretending that as adults they not only stay at home, but that you become their obligation. With the fact that they owe us their lives, that we invest time, financial resources and an endless list of sacrifices, then many mothers make the mistake of passing the bill on them. Of course, there should be a moral commitment, in addition to the desire motivated by love, to give back to our parents; But from there to our being the obligation of our children a huge and long way opens up. Children are not a retirement plan!
7. Make them feel guilty because their interests are different from yours
I know the truth is uncomfortable, but there is no point in saying no, if yes. There is no shortage of mothers who if the child does something different from the mother’s plan, they get upset with them, conditioning even the displays of affection in exchange for their pleasure. Do you identify with this?
I’m sure that if I think about it a little more I can make this list even bigger, but these are, in my opinion, the most harmful and effective ways of exerting pressure not to allow the emotional growth of our children. There are things that are inevitable, and that our babies one day grow up and need to continue with the cycle of life is one of them. Getting in their way hurts them in ways you may not be aware of, and it won’t necessarily be you, but them, and even both of them, who ultimately pay the price. The price of a life that was not lived as it was destined simply because you decided to make your own horror movie, one where you have to fear not the Boogeyman, but Boogeymom , or what is more or less the same, a « monster mom. Still, there is good news: there are ways to learn to deal with a dominant mom.