Difficult children have emotions that overwhelm them, teaching them to handle them is as important as any other learning. Difficult children. Like having the Tasmanian monster at home.
Do you know the color of despair?
Carlita was a beautiful girl, but the lack of limits made her ugly from the feet to the fence. In seconds, she could turn the house around, hide the cat in the attic, and yank the cable out of the iron. If she was observed, she screamed with all her lungs and was salivating everywhere. When I got to her house, Carlita tried to impress me, but I didn’t let her: she had a piece of bread in her hands smeared with dulce de leche, and wanting to put them in my briefcase I took her to the bathroom, I washed them humming a song for her and before she opened her mouth, I sat her to paint on a sheet. Her parents were speechless.
Minutes later when she tried to throw my scarf out the window, I approached her, wrapped it with it and asked her to remain in silence watching the sunset from her terrace. A few seconds later he brought two chairs and we watched the sea behind the glass while we hummed a nursery rhyme that he had on his tablet . At the end of the first hour I made a treatment contract with Carlita: my conditions were simple and clear, I promised to see her once a week in her room ordered by herself, with the cat safe and sound and no horror scenes in the week . She asked to be able to browse my portfolio, to which I agreed under one condition: that each object she touched should be kept in its place; she also wanted to know the stories of my cats. Before the two months of consultation, Carlita was another, with the difficulties of her age.
No person likes to admit that something is getting out of hand. There is no child, however fatal it may seem, who does not want to feel loved. For all this, perhaps some things that were suitable to help Carlita could be useful:
Balance between authority and affectivity
Parental authority is not imposed, it is proposed, that is why it is important to help the child achieve a relationship of respect and harmony at home. Children must understand that the family is a model of society, where there are bonds of love that unite, but there are also rules to be followed. Why in this picture are the lambs inside a playpen, Carlita? A simple example allows children to see for themselves that love includes limits.
Humor and tenderness to encourage dialogue
“Carlita, your grandmother told me that you have a job in the supermarket, that they are going to hire you for maintenance (they say you polished the floor).” A little humor can help children express themselves and not feel that they are attacked with complaints. “I got mad because I didn’t want to go, there were my favorite drawings.” Tenderly expressed humor makes it possible to create open spaces for dialogue and children learn to recognize their emotions. Carlita learned to say things like: “I’m about to get angry, I want an alfajor, but I know you don’t have the money to buy it.” Her mother began to see the changes and helped identify her needs: “Do you feel like something sweet? Maybe we can make alfajores at home, can we find Grandma’s recipe?”
Develop empathy and take responsibility
Simple questions allow them to learn to have empathy for others. Have you asked Grandma how she feels? Why do you think Mom was so distressed by the iron cord? Carlita, can you think of a way to save money to help pay for the fix?
Behind every “difficult” child there is an emotion that cannot be expressed. Help your children recognize them and know how to handle them.