It is said that someone “already took your measure” when he knows perfectly how you react to things that happen, therefore, he manipulates you at will. Did you know that your children can be the first to do it?
From the womb, the baby begins to know his mother: he listens to her and feels her reactions, enjoys what gives her pleasure and suffers what hurts her. Once this new being is born, the learning and the ways in which it recognizes its parents continue to develop. Her senses allow her to relate to the environment and she soon discovers that through crying, her needs are met. Little by little, he specializes in crying and with gestures, learned through observation, he gets pampering, being carried or satisfying any of his needs at the moment he requests it. It is at this point where the child knows who his parents are and how they react to his requests, so he begins to test how far he can go. Thus, from a very young age, he manages to measure his parents, as we say colloquially.
Children are constantly looking to know how far they can go and how much it is possible to obtain from their parents, so it is very important that you keep the following recommendations in mind:
1. Be in one piece
This implies that you work to be fully honest, so that your children do not find a weak point to manipulate you. Many parents, when seeking to hide mistakes and weaknesses from their past, only leave weak points within the reach of their children from which they can take pretext to hide behind their own mistakes. This is why it is preferable to be honest, sincere and be in constant communication with your children and your partner. Our past experiences can be a source of strength and unity for our children.
2. Establish logical rules
Establish logical rules, preferably with the advice of your partner and children. By doing this, the rules are accepted by everyone, as they are not experienced as an imposition. When it comes to discussing the rules and their consequences as a family, make sure that it is that and that it does not become a personal matter.
I invite you to read: Some support techniques to make parenting easier
3. Be like candy: sweet but firm
Always be loving, never harsh. Children must trust their parents and have the complete certainty that what they say is fair and correct. Young people particularly like discipline, because even if you don’t believe it, it gives them confidence knowing that what is said will be fulfilled. This certainty transmits security to them in that period of life so complex for them.
4. Identify manipulations and do not allow them
While children learn how to get what they want from their parents, it is our duty to teach them the right ways and means to achieve it. If we do not insist on this, manipulation will be for them the means they use in daily life and this is especially harmful when it comes to educating girls.
5. Avoid playing good daddy and bad mommy, or vice versa
Both you and your partner can and should build a common front. Children know with which of the parents they can get a permit and with which of them they can get money, for example. Some parents seek to be loved by their children by making the couple look bad and that only separates the families. Don’t do it, avoid it please.
You can also read: 3 tips to be a better father
We all agree that today’s children are much more alert and intelligent than in other generations, which is why they need parents much more capable and committed to their education.