When was the last time you had a date? A date with someone nice, with whom you like to spend time and who you love fervently … Yes, exactly!
Given my profession, it is common for parents to come up and ask me what they can do with their children’s behavior, which is not improving or is unfriendly, disinterested and inattentive to what happens at school and at home, or who fight too much with their brothers. One recommendation that I often give, because at home it has worked for us since the girls were little, is to have appointments or personal interviews, as many of us know this activity. What is it about? A true love date with your children.
Let me explain something to you before: we must recognize that when our child has a behavior problem it is because they have personal needs that have not been satisfied, many of which have to do with the relationship we have with them. Usually we only go to them to scold, scold or question them about school, but very little to treat them and find out what they feel or think. Having personal interviews or appointments with your children will give you the opportunity to meet each of them but on another level, they will improve their relationships and behavior at home and, consequently, at school in a remarkable way. You can NOT correct anyone with whom you do not have a healthy emotional relationship in the first place.
But, then , what and how are those famous quotes? Both appointments and interviews must be personal and scheduled. You can start this family custom as soon as your children start preschool. When our daughters were little, once a month personal interviews with dad were scheduled, and we all knew it was a special afternoon: dad talked privately with each of them and had the opportunity to speak “seriously” about matters. of each girl. At least once a month each daughter could have a time just for them, sometimes the date could be with father, mother and a daughter; this helped us let each daughter know and feel that she was special, and that there were no favorites.
What do you do on a date?
It should be clear that it is not a time to “go shopping” or “take advantage of time” on slopes; It is a time for your child and to create and strengthen personal ties; Therefore, it is going for a walk or having a drink together with the sole purpose of talking, of establishing a communication channel. Do not forget the key to a good conversationalist: listen more than you speak, understood?
What should I not do?
Not even by mistake can you scold.
There is no screaming.
There are no recriminations.
You cannot force your child to talk if he does not want to, nor do you start talking and talking until you have the time. Silence, in a way, can also become a conversation. The important thing here is that you don’t stop doing it, trying. Remember that “children grow when we don’t see them”, so take time for each child and watch them grow.
The dates with our children can be personal and private conversations at home, in a place where no one will disturb or interrupt them and talk about their goals and plans; If you follow up on these activities, as the years go by and the children grow up, they will have the pleasure to talk with you and tell you about their challenges and achievements. I know a family in which the children, being parents, continued with this habit with their children and even they look to their parents and the elderly month after month, to have a time in which to strengthen themselves, ask for advice or simply enjoy their old.
I encourage you and invite you to try this recommendation and I guarantee that by doing so, your children’s behavior will improve, family harmony will improve and, above all, each child will know that he is valued, loved and important to the family. You will know what a true date full of love is.