What happens when our mother or mother-in-law exceeds the limits and wants to influence her children as if they were still small? How can we make them realize?
You have surely heard the phrase “There is only one mother”, to which many add, for personal reasons, “Luckily!” And it is that mothers can be loving and affectionate when our children are small, but many of us do not know how to recognize when our children grow up and sometimes we go overboard. Above all, when the baby who revealed our dreams and worries has already become a beautiful man, head of a family and with dependent children. What happens when our mother or mother-in- law exceeds the limits, and wants to have the same participation and decision about their children as if they were still small? In what cordial way can we direct situations in order to make her notice her mistake without hurting her feelings? Here are some ideas that can help you in this regard:
Set emotional boundaries
This is not achieved from one day to the next, but it takes a process and must be done by everyone with their mother (if they did not do it during adolescence). Setting limits does not mean walking away, being rude or inattentive; On the contrary, it refers to speaking clearly about situations that bother you, to making them see that you are old enough to make your own decisions correctly; that advice and help are given when requested, since it is preferable to avoid negative opinions about your partner.
Talk a lot
I’m not talking about the time, but the quality of the dialogue. It is not necessary to talk on the phone every day, or communicate every step we take in life, as we did as children. I’m talking about talking calmly and confidently about the positive attitudes that we can adopt to promote family unity.
There are learned behaviors that we repeat almost automatically. Paying attention to them can save us inconvenience, especially with our partner. It happens that sometimes we make decisions without consulting those involved, or asking the wrong people too much. He thinks that excess attachment, perfectionism, is often rooted in anxiety.
Limit communication if necessary
If the other person (in this case our mother) does not understand our reasons and does not respect our limits, it is good to put some distance in communication and make it clear, in a courteous way, that there are topics that we prefer not to talk to avoid arguments.
A tip for mothers
Your son has grown up, he no longer needs your protection and he has a beautiful family with whom you can share positive and happy moments for everyone. You do not need to advise or present your opinion on all issues, because sometimes they may be unwelcome, or generate a conflict. Instead, if you are supportive and express your intention to be available – if they need you – they will not mistake your detachment for indifference.
Advice to everyone
The family is unique and irreplaceable. We can meet excellent people on our way, but the beings that accompanied us from our birth were them. They know us, they love us and, in their own way, they take care of us. For that love we can try and build together, more successes than mistakes.
The author’s point of view does not necessarily represent the editorial opinion.