Make sure your children do not depend on you.
The day I became a mother, my life was transformed. My heart was filled with illusion, happiness and joy. Sometimes I was filled with fears and doubts, since I did not know how I was going to raise her.
However, I put my fears aside and dedicated myself to being an ideal mother to him. I remember that since I was little, I was always by his side, as if I were his shadow 24 hours a day. In my perception I saw him as fragile, defenseless and immature, incapable of facing the dangers and challenges of life on his own.
As the years passed, I realized that my son, little by little, stopped needing me, even rejected me when I wanted to help him. In those moments my heart experienced different emotions at the same time; On the one hand, I was immensely happy to see that I was more independent, but on the other, I was disappointed to learn that it was no longer so necessary.
I can assure you that the same thing that happened to me has been experienced by hundreds of mothers. However, we must understand that when a child becomes independent, it is because we have raised him in the best way.
Is letting your children independent is the same as not loving them?
The love towards the children is infinite, they will never stop being an important part in the life of a mother. So love is not at stake, but rather, how to get them to learn to solve their own challenges.
The key question is how to achieve a good parenting and stop being so necessary in the lives of children?
1. Let them debate and comment
Many times we want to influence their ideas and opinions, as a way to show them the right path to follow. However, forbidding them to express themselves and repress their emotions and feelings will be an obstacle to getting them to understand what is good or bad.
Even children must be listened to, since communication fosters family closeness and even has great benefits.
For example, when we let them have an opinion, they will learn to control their emotions, strengthening their security, self-esteem and confidence in themselves.
2. Don’t underestimate their ability and intelligence
Despite how young your children may have, they are very intelligent. Because they learn like sponges, observing and imitating the actions of their parents and the world around them. Stop thinking that they are fragile and immature, as they can surprise you with their ideas and eloquence.
If you underestimate your children, you will be causing damage to their self-esteem. Therefore, let them resolve their conflicts and challenges. From dressing themselves, learning to tie their shoelaces, to letting them do their homework.
Mothers must learn to release their children little by little, with constant supervision but in such a way that they feel important and special, delegating responsibilities.
3. Alternatives to resolve conflicts
The task of mothers is to offer their children different alternatives to solve any problem. Getting them to understand the consequences of each action. It is impossible to be with the children all the time, therefore, it will be better to teach them to have a panorama of solutions so that they choose the correct one.
4. Teach values
I have always said that values are learned within the family, that they are reinforced at school and in life. If you focus on your children learning about values, they will be more independent. Even the experts talk about the new new book of values, as a way to teach to differentiate the types and how to teach children to learn them today.
5. Promote self-love
How important is it to foster self-love in children! Build your self-esteem and reinforce it every day. When they feel confident, accepting themselves as they are, they will be independent and will not need you as much.
Remember that motivational phrases are the most effective tools for children to learn to love each other. Even parents are responsible for fostering their self-esteem.
Never stop telling them that you love them, that you are proud and that they are intelligent among other expressions.
6. Just listen and don’t judge
One of the common mistakes that most parents make is to judge the actions of their children, many times without knowing how to listen to their reasons and ideas. Therefore, children stop having good communication with us, since they are afraid of being reprimanded.
You will stop being unnecessary in the lives of your children, because they will no longer trust you, since they will not have enough freedom to express their doubts and concerns.
For this reason, learn to listen and forget about judging, since the important thing is that children feel supported and understood. This way you make sure that when they are independent, they will always ask for your opinion.
7. Accept mistakes
Teach your children to understand that the mistakes they make are life lessons. That every situation happens because they have to learn something good or bad. You will cease to be unnecessary when they alone face the consequences of their actions.
Making children independent goes beyond having job and economic stability and forming their own family. It is about promoting their security, confidence and self-esteem, in order to stop being indispensable in their lives.