Once the honeymoon phase is over, your husband can collide with reality
Culturally and socially, it was always more difficult for men to commit to marriage than for women. And although many men marry deeply in love and confident that it is the best decision they have made in their lives, they can feel somewhat overwhelmed when the romantic and passion phase passes.
Honestly, it happens to women too. We fell in love, we cried with emotion, we planned the wedding, the children, and wham !, you find that reality differs a bit from that romantic movie that you created in your little head. What sometimes happens is that men enter marriage with a somewhat pretentious idea of what they will gain, and they find that indeed, conjugal partnership is a difficult thing to sustain if not worked hard side by side.
Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist, says on the Fatherly site : “Men and women often enter marriage under false pretenses. As much as they say they are thinking about all the hard work on an emotional level, getting married is the goal. But then reality sets in. Many times, the man is not emotionally ready for marriage, and then he finds that he is not being happy as he expected.
I am not saying that it cannot happen to women, but in the following list we will dwell on the reasons why a man would not be feeling happy in his marriage:
1. A misinterpretation
It is a lie that men do not fall in love as passionately as women. In fact, they fall so madly in love that they often lose their minds. So much so that many times they have a misinterpretation of what marriage is and forget that being married is not simply smiling and kissing each other. Marriage implies a great change in a person’s life, above all, a change that implies great responsibilities, and men have a serious problem understanding this, according to the psychologist.
Men may love their wives too much, but they may want the rhythm of their personal life to continue as it was before. And now, already married, they cannot adapt to the new rhythm.
2. Doesn’t feel appreciated
Many men do not feel valued by their wives because all they receive is criticism. It happens that many times my husband remarks that I only tell him the bad things or what he has forgotten to do, and I do not appreciate small gestures or details that he has had. And he’s right, because although I appreciate everything he does for our family and the effort he makes in every attempt to please me, I rarely tell him.
“The biggest mistake women make in their marriages is showing a lack of admiration and respect for their husbands,” says international dating and relationship expert Megan Weks. “If you want her to be happy, she must feel admired, and by saying things that defeat her rather than strengthen her, you are asking that your man be unhappy in the marriage.”
3. You feel disqualified
We women are telling men how to do everything. And if you don’t believe me, see how many directives you give your husband a day on how to do this or that. And while you really need to tell him how to load the dishwasher, don’t tell him he can’t do it but subtly show him how you do it or how it’s best for the life of the appliance. By telling him all the time how to do things or that someone else is not doing it correctly, you are disqualifying him, and he will feel as unhappy as he is overwhelmed.
4. You start to sound like his mother
You tell him not to drink more beer, to take his medicine, to be careful when he goes to play football, to carry an umbrella in case it rains, etc. It is fine to take care of him, but when a woman has an excessive tendency to give recommendations to her husband, the man begins to see in her the same recommendations that his mother made. And not all men are very fond of feeling “bullied” that way.
5. Feel that he cannot make you happy
If you are being listless all the time, or stress is playing havoc in your life, or you complain and complain about stopping, your husband will take those complaints very personally and feel like he can’t make you happy. Men always seek to “solve” the problem of women. So much so that when women make a complaint they will try to remedy the situation, and if they can’t, they get visibly nervous because they can’t find the solution, and not so much because of your complaint itself. Therefore, when you want to complain about all the injustices in life, first, focus on talking with your partner about all the beautiful things you have achieved together.
6. Not enough privacy
They do not fight, there are no big arguments and everything is going smoothly. However, he feels that something is missing from the marriage, and that something is the physical connection. You may be in a time when sexual relationships are not so important, or you simply channel those energies into other things. However, he feels disconnected with you due to the lack of intimacy. Lesli Doares, Couples Coach says “It’s not just that most men have a higher sex drive, but that is one way that men open up emotionally. Sexual activity releases oxytocin, the hormone of love and passion, so physical distance can cause feelings of rejection that lead a man to feel unloved.
7. You have let yourself be
Regardless of whether there is love in the couple and they have been together for many years, men are attracted to attractive women. You don’t need to wear heels every day, but you do need to put your pajamas aside a bit and start looking a little more groomed. It is not about being macho, but realistic. Isn’t love also flirting and a bit of games?
8. Motherhood robs you all the time
Motherhood is one of the most wonderful things in the world. It is normal for men to feel apart because you now have eyes only for your baby. However, it is time to give him the space that your husband deserves. Putting the man second is deadly to marriage and romance. Make time for romantic dates or that movie on the couch when the baby has fallen asleep. Both will benefit.
Marriage is a dual and daily construction. There are situations in which a woman also feels unhappy in her marriage, because she does not receive what she expected from her husband. That your husband feels unhappy is not definitive or much less causal of a separation, because the work of two is what should never be lacking for the couple to emerge afloat. Try talking together about what makes you happy and what else makes you bad. Daring to overcome each day and overcome obstacles is the best way to show how much you love each other.