It is very necessary that you know this so that you do not make mistakes.
For some women, having managed to heal the grief after a divorce and being able once again to open their hearts to love is a great step towards happiness. However, when you have children, this decision to have a new partner is not easy and even more so when you think about taking them home to live as a new family.
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The children have gone through many changes after the divorce of their parents, they believe they have the hope that one day they will be together again. However, when children are exposed to the reality that they will have to live with a strange person (stepfather); the hopes and faith in the children will disappear, developing new fears, which with the passage of time, the years and maturity, they will assimilate and be able to accept.
What are the changes that children can experience?
1. Confusion in your feelings
It is normal for children to feel jealousy and sometimes contempt for the new member of the family, since they think that all the attention and love will be stolen from them.
If the mother and the biological father manage to have a good relationship after the divorce, children will be able to easily accept reality, understanding that parents need to rebuild their love lives. Otherwise, the process for them will be complicated. Always the help of a specialist is recommended to heal children.
Sometimes the children can act against the stepfather, behaving aggressive and in the end the mother will have problems not knowing how to act.
2. Confusion about rules and authority
In every family there are rules and norms to have a good coexistence and live in harmony. Children who live with a strange person (stepfather) will feel confused by not knowing what to do or how to behave before a new authority.
In addition, if the biological father still believes that by not living with his children he still has authority over them, the children will be confused because they are not clear about whom to listen to. Therefore, it is advisable to establish the rules as a couple, before living together and facing the children, to avoid falling into contradictions.
3. Make comparisons between father and stepfather
The children begin to compare the behaviors and actions carried out by the biological father, which puts the new member (stepfather) at risk, since he will try to please the children to live in harmony.
Sometimes the children will say phrases like: My dad let me do… My dad was stronger…. My dad always played with me.
4. They face new norms and lifestyle
All people have different ideologies, customs, values and lifestyle. The children will have to learn to respect the ideologies of the new member, in order to live in harmony. It sounds too easy, however, it is a constant work so that they finally manage to accept themselves as they are and learn to love each other, with their defects and virtues.
5. They form an idea of marriage
For children, parents are an example to follow, so everything you do or fail to do remember that your children will learn it. If you want them to form a nice knowledge and idea about marriage, do everything possible so that there is always good communication, respect and harmony in your family.
6. Depression and lack of self-esteem
Most of the children who go through the divorce of their parents, many times they feel guilty, generating a lack of self-esteem. If children are not guided, guided and supported by parents or a specialist, they are prone to falling into depression. Therefore living with the stepfather will make them suffer.
7. Acceptance and resignation
After a time of living together and accepting the rules and lifestyles of the stepfather. The children will succeed by accepting reality, changing their attitude and respecting the rules.
Read: 12 tips so that your divorce does not affect your children
Remember that deciding to bring a new partner home is a process of change, not only for you but for your children. It is always advisable to go hand in hand with a specialist so that the acceptance and resignation process is successful. All the problems that your children may have will be healed and you will be able to live a happy and peaceful life.