Studies show: The secret to a lasting marriage are six signs that appear through small changes that will do wonders for your marriage.
Mignon McLaughlin, a journalist, once said that “a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” But how is that possible? What can a couple do to maintain the unquenchable flame of love? I share with you six concepts that are a sign that your marriage is going to last a lifetime.
Carlos and Isabel Schmitz, psychotherapists and Authors of the book Building a love that lasts , affirm that: “In good marriages there is a tendency to see your partner as your best friend.” Your spouse should be the first person you plan to share something with, good or bad. You have the confidence and the desire to tell him all the events of your day, even the small details. Sometimes to ask for advice, sometimes just to share.
Reread: Spouse = Best Friend = Happy Marriage.
2. Mutual help
Life as a couple should be one of constant mutual help. Although the division of labor does not have to be exactly 50/50, everyone should help with household chores (help getting the kids to school, doing the dishes, cleaning and tidying the house, washing the car , etc.). Carlos Orlando, author of The problem with women is that men … said that: «One of the things that strengthens life as a couple is maintaining a type of relationship in which both speak honestly if they feel overwhelmed, and not only they make their complaints without actually communicating. ‘ When each does their agreed part, and still helps their partner, the companionship will increase and, as a bonus, no one is going to be too tired or lacking time to do something that both of them always lack: dating.
Relee: Why You Should Never Stop Dating Your Partner.
Who doesn’t like to be pleasantly surprised? There is nothing more frustrating than a life stuck in the same routine, where there are no surprises. Dr. Shauna Springer, author of Marriage Between Equals , said that: “Excess of familiarity is the enemy of romance, so it is essential to continue betting on personal growth and change. That is, after getting married we must continue to try to surprise our loved ones. For example, the husband may enroll in dance classes in order to surprise his wife with a dance during a romantic dinner. Surprising your partner does not imply unbalancing your budget. They can use small details, such as romantic notes left in places in the house that your partner frequents, or offer a bouquet without a special occasion.
According to a survey, couples who discuss problems rather than ignore them achieve a stronger relationship than couples who avoid discussing them. An argument doesn’t necessarily have to unfold amid yelling and screaming, but issues should never be ignored. Marriage can be compared to a pressure cooker. You must keep the valve always open, or you run the risk of a rather dangerous explosion. And with life as a couple it is exactly the same: problems must be said and you must be able to solve them and, what is more important, whoever loves us must know what happens to our soul, or what bothers us.
Relee: Learn how to argue with your partner.
All couples go through good times and bad. The problem is that we usually let bad times define our future. But, according to a survey conducted in 2011, when a couple is convinced that their ties will last forever, no matter what happens: the relationship has a much greater chance of surviving bad times, compared to those who They do not believe that their relationship can last forever. When both parties are 100% committed to the happiness of the relationship and focus primarily on the happiness of the person they love, then they more easily find the strength to overcome difficulties.
Relee: The most overlooked characteristic of the person you want to marry.
Fact: couples who do new and different things to each other are happier than couples who indulge in routine. It is most common to see young couples go out, go to a dinner for two, walk together, and even surprise the one they love. Unfortunately, in most cases with the years a routine life begins, where these details are scarce. Dating as a couple should continue, even after decades of marriage. Having one night a week just for the couple so they can go out and have fun can be a first step in breaking a routine. Innovation can also go through small surprises, as mentioned in point three. What should not be allowed is that the routine becomes too comfortable.
The signs that you are living a happy life together with your spouse, then summed up in these six simple words: companionship, mutual help, spontaneity, communication, patience and innovation. The secret is in ourselves and also in the small changes in daily life that, although we talk about small things, these will do wonders in your marriage because always, and in all things, the great things come from the small and simple.
_Translated and adapted into Spanish by Oscar Pech of 6 sinais de que seu casamento will last a lifetime, by João Martins