Be careful when your compliments can ruin their happiness forever.
Being parents is not an easy task, we will never stop being it, even though the children are adults and form their own family. The responsibility of teaching them at each stage of their life, so that they grow up in a healthy and happy environment, not only applies that they have education, food, fun and a house; There are many more things that they imply for the children to mature, be responsible and independent.
Many parents have learned to teach their children as they were raised; Furthermore, thanks to specialists, the media, family members and people around us, we can have a better idea of how to do it.
Surely you have heard the phrase «Words hurt more than a slap, All sentences have great power in psychology and in the human mind, especially when they are expressed by the people who surround us and love us. When words are used with malicious intent, they are so destructive that they can destroy self-esteem even with people’s lives.
So it is important to think well before opening your mouth, if you do not want your children to have psychological problems in the future. Most of us parents know that compliments are an effective way to raise children’s self-esteem, however, we do not always achieve good results.
I share with you: 5 ways to ruin your children’s self-esteem, without realizing it
So take note of these six compliments that we frequently use, but are ruining our children’s happiness without even realizing it.
1. “You are as smart as your sister”
It is important to tell your children that they are smart, however, try not to make comparisons. Remember that we are all different, with different abilities, and we cannot make the mistake of making our children feel inferior than other people. They are unique, special and there will be no one like them. By doing so you will be stimulating their power of competition between siblings, which in the future can be counterproductive.
2. “You are so brave capable of doing anything”
Watch out! Of course we must tell children that they are brave, however, remember, do so at the right times. The media such as cartoon shows are a great example of violence, if you tell your children that they are capable of doing anything, they will not know the limits and they will put their safety at risk. Remember that they use their imagination and are capable of even physically hurting themselves for believing they are the superheroes they see on television.
3. “You are just like your father or mother”
Of course we want children to resemble us, however, it is not recommended that they take our own personality and way of being as an example of life. They are capable of imitating us and being like us, because they are the people they love the most, but by doing so you will be prohibiting and limiting your children to have their own personality.
4. “It’s good that you don’t cry like a baby”
Repressing children to not express their feelings is a serious mistake. Society has taught us that men should not cry, because they are of the stronger sex. However, we also do it with girls. That children keep their emotions and do not know how to control them is counterproductive, in the future they will not know how to deal with problems and they will have a lot of insecurity, mistrust in themselves.
5. “You are so obedient”
It is important that children know how to follow the rules at all times and obey their elders. However, by telling them all the time that they are obedient, you are creating the inability to decide for themselves and not to make decisions that make them feel happy. It is better than asking them “What do you think if we do this …”, than imposing a rule. Sometimes they can come to believe the victims and be submissive all the time.
6. «Be quiet, you look prettier»
Your children are free to express their thoughts, needs and ideologies. Don’t make the mistake of shutting them up when they don’t like something. If you do, you will be limiting their power of expression and of relating to society. Remember the popular saying “God does not listen to those who do not speak”, so you can get to know your children better than by forbidding them to speak.
I share with you: 7 phrases you should say to your children every day
As parents we have to be very careful when expressing ourselves with our children, many times the messages we want to transmit can confuse them and hurt their feelings, self-esteem and limit their power to control their emotions.