Your children are independent people, with distinct tastes and character traits. As a mother, you have the pleasure and responsibility of directing their way of being towards the good management of emotions.
If you have the idea that children come into your life to give you the opportunity to form an existence in your image and likeness, but corrected and augmented, I warn you that you are in error. They come, in fact, to be people, full-fledged, independent, with already defined tastes and character traits. As a mother, you have the pleasure and responsibility of channeling their way of being towards the good management of emotions; to foster in them the security necessary to face life, to increase self-love and self-esteem for themselves.
There is no doubt that you do not want to miss this opportunity, and as a goal you set yourself to transmit all your knowledge, values and, sometimes, traits of your own character. At the same time, unfortunately you can also inherit negative things that translate into fears, insecurity, complexes and frustrations; Without realizing it, you are fulfilling your mission, but on the contrary, with extraordinary ease and with severe damage to your little ones. On your part there are attitudes that without realizing it are damaging their self-esteem, and among the most common are these five:
1. Prevent them from venturing
The easiest way to learn is by experimenting: you must touch, smell, taste, hear and see, put your senses into action to perceive the world you are discovering. If every time they want to know in their own way, and you limit them on the pretext that it is dangerous when in reality it is not; Telling them that it should not be done without giving a logical explanation or simply by saying NO, the time will come when they will become withdrawn and insecure, and will not know how to function in new places and with new people.
2. Impose likes
As part of their personality, from a young age they show an affinity for certain tastes, which can be inherited or acquired. The way they dress, the music they listen to, the friends they get along with, the places they like to hang out. You will see that, little by little, they will show their preferences, and if you criticize those tastes and impose those that you think are appropriate for your own reasons, your children will become the copies of other people.
3. Apply the gag law
Have you said phrases like these to them: “If you don’t know, you’d better not open your mouth”, “Don’t say nonsense, that’s stupid”, “Don’t talk”, etc., and everything they say is wrong and you correct it in a bad way? making them feel ignorant? Your children are creating their intellectual heritage of what they see and hear at home, at school, with friends; They are exposed to a constant bombardment of information that is not always ideal, so your role in these cases is to correct that information if it is wrong and confirm it if it is correct. And if you can give them extra information, that would be great.
4. Compare with people with negative traits
Have you told them they look like some cousin extolling flaws or have you compared them to the tantrum and capricious friend from school; With the relative who gets what he wants from his parents by crying or with an adult in the family who has everything to criticize, except positive things? Do not do it, because this will create very little self-esteem, in addition to a lot of resentment towards you.
5. Don’t congratulate on your achievements
A great achievement for your children can be to climb a tree or tie their shoelaces, learn to ride a bicycle or use the microwave oven for the first time, not to mention doing their homework well and getting good grades; everyday issues that may be common for you. But keep in mind that they are their achievements, do not lose sight of this and as insignificant as what they do may seem to you, receiving a congratulation from you, a word of acceptance because they did things well will be a great motivation and this will make them keep trying. Furthermore, it will encourage them to do them well.
Motivating your children day by day, respecting them in every way and guiding them when they make mistakes, all with patience and love, will create in them a high self-esteem that will allow them to be safe people and on the way to being happy.