When a marriage faces a situation of infidelity, one must use all the resources and support that we can to get ahead. When we have this information, the path is still arduous but it is clearer.
Having a good marriage is something that takes work, you need to work on it constantly. It is for this very reason that sometimes routine, children, work and many more things get in the way and the relationship suffers. One of the many ways in which one escapes these problems and feelings of personal discomfort is to look in another person for what we lack in our relationship. The reality is that this new “relationship” is an illusion and unfortunately one of the most difficult situations that can happen to any couple and from which few recover.
Going through an infidelity situation is an impressive physical, mental and emotional test. Some people, for their own reasons, decide not to continue the relationship because the wound is too great and they consider it irreparable damage. Some others decide to stay in the relationship and try to heal. Although both decisions are acceptable and very personal, these tips apply more than anything to the one who decides to stay and where children are involved.
1. Accept that your negative emotions are normal
Experiencing feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, despair, loneliness, and so on is totally normal. It is natural that we want to avoid such feelings but everything has its process and one must go through these emotions to heal properly.
2. Be patient with yourself
Feeling paranoid and doubting every detail that your partner does or says is also totally normal. Trust has to be re-earned and this takes time. Accept that for the moment you will feel a lot of distrust but that over time it will improve if your partner is willing to earn that trust again.
3. Accept that it wasn’t your fault
It is very easy to think that it was your fault or that you did something wrong. Although the deterioration of the relationship is something that is the responsibility of both, the decision to be unfaithful and go with another person was your partner’s decision and he is only responsible for that decision.
4. Find a way to deal with your emotions healthily
You can seek professional help, write, do artistic things, dance, or exercise. The purpose of this is not to keep all those emotions inside since they always end up coming out and we do not want them to come out in a destructive but productive way.
5. Don’t involve your children in fights
It is very tempting to want children to be on our team and against the person who committed the indiscretion, but it is simply the worst thing we can do for our children. They surely know that something is wrong and the least we can do is try to provide a certain level of stability, because above all they continue to be our children and it is our responsibility to take care of them despite what is happening in our personal relationship. When we continue to cultivate a healthy relationship with our children it helps us with our own pain and also with family pain.
No article will be long or comprehensive enough to cover this difficult topic. However, there are resources and ways to get ahead whatever your decision. You don’t have to fall prey to someone else’s decision when you put your mind to it. Still, you must be patient with the process, patient with yourself, and patient with your own emotions.