Marriage can be shielded by following these five points that will give you a new vision to make “happily ever after” a reality
In novels and fairy tales, we see that when the princess or lady in distress meets the ideal prince or man, he carries her in his arms, away from trouble. Once in his castle, finally !, both are happily ever after.
Finding a partner is not an easy task. And many of us think that when we find that someone for us and get married, the obligatory step will be that ideal happiness, but this is not always the case. And we wonder despondently why happiness in marriage is not automatic, nor is it easy.
Many newlyweds can’t help but feel disappointed.
« Where is that romantic boyfriend of mine? At what point did he become a hibernating bear who only wants to sleep and eat? «, The women wonder.
They are also puzzled: « Where is my wife? Why, if before she always tried to be with me, now she wants« her time »? «They comment in frustration.
Over time, if they continue on this path, these disagreements will cause a great distance between the spouses that will cool their love. In this article, I will tell you, based on two great books, the five practical tips that you should attend to to keep your marriage unbreakable and full of love.
We need to fill our tank
The concept of the “emotional tank” is a very interesting contribution of the therapist Gary Chapman in his book The 5 languages of love. With him, Dr. Champan tells us that each person needs to feel loved.
Just as a car can only move when it is filled with gasoline, people can “function”, be effective in our relationships, when we try to:
1 Fill the tank before proceeding
2 Know what kind of «fuel» makes us move forward
In this way, the author invites us to recognize, among five languages, the type of love that we need in particular, so that each spouse gives the other the love that he requires, and thus, his emotional tank is always full.
This first step will resolve most marital conflicts. Do you remember those children’s toys in which the little ones must put geometric shapes in their corresponding spaces? Knowing and recognizing our language of love will allow the triangle to be located precisely in the hole with its shape, so that acts of love are effective and make us feel loved.
You can take the test to know your language of love here.
The five tips to protect your marriage
The first tip, you already have it, and it will give you many points to work on to radically improve your relationship with your partner. Along the way, it will be ground gold for you to take into account his and her five emotional needs that you must attend to so that love remains.
William F. Harley Jr , clinical psychologist, developed in his book «What he needs, what she needs», the points that we will share with you below.
1 Affection / Fullness in privacy
Women, by our nature, need to feel loved, accepted and valued. Man, do you want a happy woman? Make her feel loved. How to achieve it? Hug her, pamper her, take time to look at her, make her feel special.
Woman, do you want your husband to be happy? Share the privacy with the,Show yourself willing and happy to share your soul and body with him. That sexual relations between spouses are never a bargaining chip or punishment for some unpleasant behavior. Your love for your husband must overcome these selfishness.
2 Conversation / Activities as a couple
Many men complain that women “talk up to their elbows”, and this, believe me, we do not do to annoy. It is a feminine need. We process so many things that by sharing them, we can look at them from another perspective. Men, you can! Listen with your mind and heart to what women have to say, and please, do it in silence. We don’t always want your advice, but your empathy.
Males long to be accompanied. For them, having their partner to try exotic foods, or go to a sports tournament, is important. Woman, go with him! Take the time to show him with your pleasant company that you are interested.
3 Honesty and openness / Attractive woman
The author affirms that for the woman, the transparency of soul in her husband is important. Your emotional connection is strengthened if you can always count on your husband. Be honest and sincere with her, and she will be able to abandon herself in your love and build trust between the two of you.
For the man it is important that his wife also possesses that transparency, that beauty and attractiveness that gives them self-confidence, self-confidence, and neatness. We women will drive them crazy if we try to be feminine, pleasant and why not? Always wear our favorite perfume. Try it, you won’t regret it.
Remember woman, that more than worrying about being “in shape” or have a statuesque body , what your man will value is your inner brilliance, your security.
4 Financial security / Peace and quiet
The woman, as mother, highly values that the man dedicate constant efforts to the maintenance and economic growth of the home. This security allows you to give your heart at home and your professional activities. It is very powerful to see the example of various animals in which the female chooses the male with the best conditions to fight predators and keep her young alive.
In this sense, the man greatly values that when he arrives home, he is received with warmth, pampering and consideration. Making him see: “you are welcome, expected and loved”, gives him the peace of mind to stop his “war against the world”, and calm down.
None of these points is closed. We are not affirming that the maintenance of the home rests solely with the man, nor that the woman should have her husband at home as in a showcase, sitting in his favorite armchair and in front of the television. We are talking about details of affection, of initiatives.
The idea is to get out of the mistaken belief that each husband must accomplish certain tasks and then stop. The idea is that both, manage to give more than 100%, what is necessary for the home to work.
5 Family engagement / Admiration
The wife, who dedicates herself body and soul to the home and the care of her children, needs a man who is committed to take part in home life. That they get involved, integrate and include themselves in the activities of the family. A big mistake many men make who, considering themselves only providers, ignore valuable moments of living with their children: doing homework together, going out to the park, an afternoon of board games.
Husbands, for their part, greatly value the appreciation of their wife. Recognition of your efforts and skills to help the family move forward.
Do not forget to love
These tips have the wealth of years of couples therapy by the two authors that we share with you in this text, but the truth is that you, from the courtship, discovered the way to shield your love, and to be happy forever. Do as when you started your journey together: provide moments just for him, and you, on your part, listen carefully, make each other laugh, go out on dates alone. Remember the miracle of each other’s life, and you will avoid millions of problems.
The problem in today’s world is not bad communication, it is that we have forgotten that loving is a decision. Putting aside the sentimentality and ego, pride and poses, is the way: I love you because I decide, every day, because I want your good, even if it costs me a little.
Let’s try it, there will be so many fruits and blessings! The happy ending of the story is there, let’s not lose hope.