The answer to the problems that afflict society is always in the family. Find out what specific factors that you might experience at home help your child become a murderer and avoid them.
Sounds awful. My son a murderer? According to a Spanish study, which analyzed 74 cases of adolescents who attempted against the lives of other people, 42% of them belonged to “normal” families and present a common and current profile.
This statement makes your hair stand on end. And it is then that parents ask ourselves »what factors can cause a child to become a murderer? What does he need to suffer, feel in his heart, to commit cold-blooded murders ?, and the most important question, what can I do today to educate my children and avoid being affected by this growing wave of violence?
Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta said that in the world there are more good people than bad, and that if we do not find any, it is necessary to BE ONE of us.
Today more than ever, this challenge is being thrown at parents: to be a light amidst so much darkness, to preserve our children from this aggressive and violent environment, to educate for peace.
Why does this happen?
Many of us find it difficult to understand what leads a young person or a child to commit murder in cold blood, not to be affected by the suffering of others or their own.
Enrique Echeburúa, professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of the Basque Country, quoted by the Spanish newspaper El País, tells us that in reality, there are many difficult children, but only a few become violent, and very few, very few, carry that violence to extreme situations . The conditions that, according to this expert, must be met to cause this situation are: that there is brain damage that affects the regulatory mechanisms of behavior and causes extreme impulsivity, or that it has some biological or psychological vulnerability . The same newspaper cites the opinion of another expert, Andrés Pueyo, who comments that for an action to end in a homicide, two types of components are required: personality and opportunity . What happens is that, in a certain emotional situation – jealousy, for example – a series of acts are chained that can include violence, and that if certain circumstances occur they can end in murder. In child violence, the components of opportunity are very important , he insists.
Child abuse also influences
In this regard, experts believe that there are, in addition to opportunity, elements of imitation: children must learn somewhere that violence is an effective way to resolve conflict, and they must have hardened their hearts to the reactions of others. This is affirmed by José Sanmartín, author of several books on this subject. He tells us that children subjected to systematic abuse have up to 12% smaller amygdala , he explains. Abuse can damage the brain circuits that control aggressive instincts. The tonsil of an abused child may be affected and behavior not well controlled , he adds.
What factors determine violence?
Could we say then that certain factors determine violence in children? Many of the murderous children around the world come from broken and violent homes, but also several of them were “normal”, living in ordinary families. Why did they murder then?
In the aforementioned report from the newspaper El País, we are told that there are also cases of inexplicable extreme violence of children or adolescents who do not belong to a broken family or have been victims of violence . In this regard, there is a study carried out by the Spanish sociologist Ramón Quilis Alemany on a sample of 74 children and adolescents convicted in Spain between 1994 and 2001 for homicide. In it, he affirms that 42% were apparently normal boys who lived in apparently normal families, who, however, had some disorder that (alarmingly, had not been detected either at home or at school). Of the 100% of the sample, 54% of the homicides had some type of personality disorder or antisocial behavior and another 4% had acted under the effects of a psychotic break, that is, a severe mental disorder that nullifies the will.
Violent “normal” children?
I would like us to focus on the 42% that the sociologist Quilis found. He talks about young people who were integrated into his community, whose families did not necessarily stand out for violent behavior or for lacking unity. So what led these guys to kill? The study tells us that violence is inherited and it is also learned. Several scholars, including Andrés Pueyo, affirm that if a child has a temperament prone to violence and no one sets limits on it from a very young age, the chances that education can modulate their behavior are less and less .
What can we parents do?
In the first place, to put loving limits on our children, and show them in a respectful way to respect others and take care of people, animals and things.
Try to live a warm environment at home, where the way to resolve conflicts is civilized and the problems and errors of family members are addressed without threatening the dignity or self-esteem of the children or spouses.
Encourage our children to avoid violence, to report it, and to eradicate it. They can be a factor of change if they have the tools to react to these acts.
Connect with our children. Spend time with them, get to know them thoroughly, trust us.
Link with our children’s school, so that we can intervene if necessary to address an important situation.
You can turn on the light so necessary in this complicated and violent world from now on in your home, rather than worrying and plunging us into sadness, events such as the one that occurred in Nuevo León Mexico, should invite us to love our children more and better. We are on time.
We suggest you reread: Ugly things that parents say to each other in front of their children