Rebuild the pair again, row and row. That’s what marriage is all about, when the children have arrived.
My daughter had grabbed my gardening gloves and was playing in the dirt, looking for worms. In truth, she had put the gloves on her feet and was also pretending to be a duck. I asked him to remove them and leave them as he found them, as I would need them later.
So she ran to wash them, again littering the entire backyard hallway that my husband had left immaculate a few minutes ago. My husband scolded her seriously, and my daughter didn’t know whether to keep washing the gloves or hand them dirty.
When my little girl wasn’t around, I went up to my husband and told him that I had been a bit rude to her. “It is not good that you disavow me “,he told me. And there the discussion began. Once again we werearguing for something that had happened to our children. Something that happens to most parents.
It’s not them, it’s us
The children come to change us completely. To transform our world, and to throw away the precepts we had about fatherhood. We make ourselves on the way, and we undo, to re-emerge.
Since we we convertAs parents, with my husband we often find ourselves arguing over issues related to our children. And they are not the ones to blame, it is us. We are mom and dad who must find a way to ally, understand and amalgamate to carry out this company.
Since I have been a mother, I have been aware that I have much more patience than before, although it does not always show. But I don’t just mean patience with my children, but with my husband. We are both on the tumultuous path of parenthood, and I understand that he too often feels as burdened as I do.
Uniting is the key
Every day I am more convinced that one of the most serious mistakes in marriages with children is to give oneself completely to the children, forgetting that the couple must also receive their share of be careful.
It is not about one or the other; of the children or the partner. It is about finding the balance to give yourself completely to both the children and the marital relationship, without focusing on one side or the other, but on both equally. Let’s not forget a great premise: we are a family.
The helm of that family are mom and dad. We are parents who must be united and strengthened to carry on a successful family. If one of us forgets this, the pillars weaken and the family decays.
Let’s be like bread
Before we were married, my husband attended a premarital encounter, where an experienced couple and fervent followers of the faith, gave us their experience and advice for the great step we were about to take.
The woman, who was in her sixties and had the temper of calm in her brow, told us.
Be like bread. One is flour, the other is water. When they come together, they turn into bread. And if they want to separate, they will never be separate flour and water again. That is marriage in the eyes of God. You may have your differences, and even separate one day, but before God, you will always be bread “
4 things I learned to do for my marriage
Suddenly, life found us with a little person with a deep gaze and a fragile little body, in our arms, undaunted by the explosion of the miracle of life. The responsibility we had now was enormous. But we had love as a weapon.
Then they, our children, came to perfect us and consummate our union. And we learned parenting along the way, but we also learned to fight for our marriage more than ever.
In these years we have battled disappointments and disappointments like never before. Sometimes we could not with ourselves, and now we had to “be able” with everything that involves raising a family.
And in that journey, we learned. And I, as a mother and as a woman, learned many things that I had to do for myselfmarriage, since our children came into our life.
1 To understand our differences
Now more than ever, I understood that his shape is not mine. That yours is not worse or better, but different. And that if the other does not think like me, I should not get angry, because it is not bad or good, it is simply another.
The point is to know how to reconcile those differences. And parenthood achieves this and much more, in a couple willing to overcome obstacles and achieve harmony. I learned that all this can be solved by talking, and that a good dialogue can bring amazing solutions.
2 To value our time alone
Even if we go for a walk, or have a hot chocolate when our children are already asleep, those moments are as magical as they are unique. When we look into each other’s eyes, we continue to see that person who made us fall in love, and we value more than ever that time we have for ourselves.
Time alone with a couple, when you have children, is as necessary as it is restorative. Going to the movies, taking a walk, watching a movie other than cartoons, relaxes our senses and recharges us for a new day.
3 To know how to identify the beginning of a storm (to stop in time)
Breathe and count to ten. The hustle and bustle of daily life proposes us to carry out this practice many times a day. Since I became a mother, I have learned to identify those moments of calm before the storm, so as not to unleash chaos.
Stopping in time before starting an argument can be extremely positive for the couple, not only for the sake of the children, but also to know how to recognize the right moment to talk things over.
4 Give in
Mothers know a lot about it. Giving in and being empathic with the other opens the door to dialogue and understanding. I learned to give in and give space to my partner, because I understood that sometimes I need mine too.
Motherhood has made me a better person, but also a better wife. The birth of our children marked a before and after in our marriage. And the beauty of this learning is that it is enjoyed along the way. And the heart knows it (and manifests it!).