Four basic points to help develop closer relationships between men and women.
Men and women are connected in a different way, this means that we speak a different language. Women’s language is reactivated through conversation, processing, expression of emotions, and negotiation of problems in an immediate way. Men’s language includes non-confrontation directly, taking action, solving problems, fixing things, feeling useful, and regrouping and reactive through newspapers or television.
The sooner you understand these differences, the faster you can build good communication habits, as well as build the foundations of a strong marital relationship; With this, you will promote and maintain a greater closeness in your relationships. However, never forget that listening is much more important than talking.
Why listening is better than talking in a marital relationship
The best things to say to him
1. “How was your day?”
Many men in my practice complain that their partners are not interested in their work or how their day was. So it is important to ask and listen.
2. «Sure, you can watch football today»
It all has to do with commitment and understanding that they are not watching football to avoid you: they enjoy it and are literally recharging their batteries. If you do not consider the needs of your partner, you will create a distance in your relationship.
3. “I need you to help me solve a problem”
Men want to feel useful and they really want to make us happy. Ask him to help you solve a problem or come up with a practical solution. But try to get to the point as fast as you can. Don’t give him details, get to the point so that he can pay attention to you and understand what you need from him.
4. “Do you want to go out this weekend, just you and me?”
Let your partner know that it is your priority, even if you are busy with the children, your work or other activities. You really need to take time to build closeness and intimacy. Never take the imperishable nature of your relationship for granted.
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The best things to say to her
1. “How was your day?”
It is so important to ask how your day was! Make sure you save enough time to have a real conversation. Otherwise, it would be very superficial, it would be inauthentic and you would make her feel insignificant, or that you don’t care.
2. “You look beautiful (or sexy)”
Compliment her on a regular basis, not just on special occasions. Women like to be told how good they look and that their partners find them attractive. It is a small gesture that will accomplish a lot.
3. “Do you want me to cut the grass?”
When a man anticipates women’s needs, such as fixing things around the house or making plans in advance for a special date — anything he didn’t ask of you. If you do this for your partner, she will feel loved, valued, important, and a priority.
4. “Let’s have a calm night, just you and me”
The intention of this phrase would be to spend time with her relaxed, talking and being affectionate. If you propose, always comply.
Why before understanding your partner, you must understand yourself
By implementing these simple tips, you will set yourself on the path of learning your partner’s language and developing closeness, rather than distance.
_Translated by Myrna del Carmen Flores from “4 best things to say to create closeness” by Sharon Rivkin.