Are you guilty of these 3 things?
If you want your marriage to really work, you need to take charge of these three things that most of us continue to do after we are married, because we are used to the games of conquest during the courtship. Marriage does NOT work like courtship and if you are guilty of continuing to use these three behaviors, you will end up destroying it.
For some reason most of us learn to live with many behaviors that are highly toxic in the couple, and if we do not eradicate them and understand that for our relationship to work, we need to work and strive, then we will never be happy.
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Do you decide to use these behaviors on a daily basis?
1. You choose stress instead of having fun
There is a certain adrenaline involved in fighting and stress, and like any substance secreted by our body that is addictive, we want more without realizing it.
If you are married, no matter how well you get along with your husband, there will always be reasons to fight and stress. In these situations you have two options: You keep looking for more adrenaline while you feed the discussion (or while you add fuel to the fire, as my grandmother used to say) or you change your attitude and decide to dwell on something positive, cutting off the situation that is causing you stress.
“Choosing to live in stress and chaos, rather than dwell in the fun and healthy, will eventually destroy your marriage,” explains Pam Denten, Marriage Relations Consultant . “Emotions and words that are not spoken during stressful times can diminish pleasure and leave your marriage dry and dying from the need for attention. Choosing stress over the good can disrupt intimacy and create walls around your heart making love impossible, “she adds.
As soon as a disagreement arises between the two, think about the solution, say it and finish. The less time you spend angry, the more time you will spend being and making your partner happy.
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2. You fight dirty instead of stopping the argument by saying what would really make you happy.
The ego can be your worst enemy at all levels of your life, and especially in your marriage.
Claiming things from our partners is one of the most common (and destructible) habits, now, there are ways and means to do it. If you choose to create a pitched battle with your partner while, according to you, you are letting them know what they did wrong or what you need, but in reality you focus more on playing the victim than on conveying a clear message, they are walking by quicksand.
Falling into this error is easier than saying amen, and more destructive than any other behavior in a relationship. If you want to be happy, you must abandon this behavior, stop being passive-aggressive and call things by their names without playing puzzles. If it bothers you that your husband is late on Wednesdays, let him know. Don’t throw their dinner in the trash can and unnecessarily make a fuss.
We have one of the richest languages in vocabulary, use it to say clearly what is bothering you and how it would stop bothering you, and focus on something else.
3. You forget to show physical affection
One of Ricardo Arjona’s most famous songs, entitled: Fuiste tú, illustrates the importance of physical affection when he says: «how easy it was to touch the sky the first time when kisses were the starting motor, which turned on the light that today disappears ».
Physical affection is and always will be the glue of love relationships. When we get lazy and stop showing that love that united us at the beginning and that literally led us to want to be close to our partner all the time, things get cold and end.
Use caresses, kisses, hugs, texts, romantic dinners, songs on the radio, tenderness, to keep your partner crazy about you as he was the first day his lips touched yours.