Find out these 10 things you should NEVER say to your partner during a fight, because they can destroy your marriage.
In the process of communicating with your spouse, disagreements happen. Then comes remorse and wanting to go back in time to start over. If humor doesn’t help avoid arguing, the differences intensify.
There is no manual on “how to argue properly,” and there is no perfect relationship in which there is never some kind of misunderstanding; What there are are some things that we should not say in the middle of a fight. I present a list with ten of them:
1. I want a divorce
The moment you’re both hot-headed, it’s easy to say things that you don’t really mean to say, but asking for a divorce is something that, even after you apologize, will be hard to forget. This will plant a seed of uncertainty in your partner for a long time.
2. I am not angry
So why do you treat your partner roughly, slam the door, make a long face, despise her, and pretend she doesn’t exist? Denying your emotions doesn’t help at all. It is best to try to control yourself and talk about what is bothering you.
3. You are just like your father / mother
. The chances are zero that you are saying that focusing on the qualities of your partner’s father or mother, but certainly on the defects; Besides, you are not seeing your spouse as he really is. These claims will automatically put you on the defensive.
4. You are (derogatory adjective)
Whatever it is, rating your partner something like that only increases vulnerabilities in a negative way, either by comparing them to someone else or pigeonholing them with a very low adjective.
5. See, the children are crying
First of all, NEVER argue in front of children. And NEVER use them to gain an advantage in a fight.
6. You are always late, you never do anything right, etc.
Remove the adverbs ALWAYS and NEVER when they have a negative connotation. This shows a complete lack of confidence, or even hope, that your spouse still has the desire to improve. Do not generalize.
7. This is all your fault
Very rarely what goes wrong in a relationship will be just one person’s fault. Assume your responsibilities and blame.
8. You don’t love me anymore
The drama is enough. Don’t tell your partner how you feel. Focus on what you feel, and if you love him you have to respect his feelings. Playing the victim and going off on a tangent doesn’t solve anything.
9. Why don’t you behave like “so-and-so” partner?
Don’t compare your wife to another woman they know. You already knew their strengths and weaknesses when you got married. And everyone looks perfect and desirable from an outside angle. Appearances can be deceiving. Keep the problem at home.
10. My mother warned me that you would do this
Involving another person in an argument is complicated enough, and worse if it is your mother. If you are so obedient to your mother and she warned you about your future spouse, then why did you get married? Do not turn your partner against your family, claiming that they do not like you or that they think he is like this or that. If your husband already had a bad feeling about his mother-in-law, for example, this will only make the situation worse.
Now if you already said any of these things and you don’t know what to do, stop right now. Ask for forgiveness and set goals that you will not repeat any of these things, whether in a fight, or in any other situation, because none of this will help you save your marriage or strengthen your family, quite the opposite. Practice good communication techniques. The relationship with your partner is the most important to maintain the family unit.
* Translated and adapted into Spanish by Amiel Cocco from the original in Portuguese 10 coisas que você never deve dizer ao conjuge during a briga, by the author Chris Ayres.